Earthquake

(12.15 - earthquake in indon) - news...

i was playing videogame with my bro at that time, we didn't feel it at all...
guess what, CNN said that earthquake was as bad as the dec 26 one... but wierd- a small tsunami was created only..

i din realise there was such incident till my bro was woke up by a friend 3 in the morning..
it was a pretty calm conversation beetween them.. yet for me... its pretty scary..

friend: are you still in the building?
bro(just woke up) : yea~?
friend: you know everyone is already down and outside the building?~
bro: what happened?
friend: there was an earthquake 12 something, and everyone is down here because they were worry the building will colaps.

i was like WTF... wat earthquake...?! so i woke up (struggling)... went to my bulcany..
sure enuf... i look like the" begung" wan lar, seeing everyone down there...
damn scary sight~ my sis was still asleep, my bro too tired/sleepy to react~

stuff i did and almost did:
i prayed... almost sent a sms to my mom saying i love u... and pray for us... lol~

i actually changed, wanting to go down... but i saw all of them coming up the builing already... so i din bother lor...
went back to my room... heard many of the ppl slamed their doors... maybe becoz of the force alarm... it was about 3.45 that time... yea.

went school and everyone was talking bout it... hehe~

anyways... me safe ;) thx LORD~

Emotional Me

Last sunday- in church...
there are some people who was suppose to pray for my need...
guess what i told them?... i said that i was happy, and i don't need it at the moment.

I was wrong...
i found this out only last night,
i had a long and emotional talk with my bro last night after coming back from the freezing cyber cafe.

he asked a simple question/ suggestion.. whether we should get a car...
i got emo, and said that we don't need it... as he was going to leave KL anyway...
after that, i got carried away.. and talked about how useless the house in kl was to ME... if it wasn't because of the house, i might be studying somewhere else/ my sis might enter a better college... My father intended we 3 siblings stay in this house... but my brother is going to leave..
So i said some stuff which i was holding inside me for quite some time....

yeah... and then suddenly i cried. The first thing went on my mind was my parents back in Tawau.. guess the word "homesick" meant what i just felt...

so we continued our daily prayer together... everything was alright then..

i did something i though i'd never think i'll do...
i sms-ed my mom...saying i miss her...~

yeah.. maybe i need ~that~ prayer afterall... ~ :(

easter

today is Easter Sunday..
the day started beautifully, because i had a great breakfast.

went to church, a pretty boring message... but still good

afternoon i had lunch with my soon to be- cell group members..
i was plesantly surprised that i got along with them...
my first impression of them wasn't that good
yea, so everything was okey.

u could call this a cool easter, coz it was raining the whole day... now i am freezing in cc... hehe

i miss Tawau abit, especially everytime i go out on my balcony... looking at the busy streets, high rise building... and haze..

Tawau has none of that... yea.. so sometimes nolstagic..

tomorrow have to go college again... crap~

Good Friday

yesterday - (thursday, 5pm) > Christian Fellowship in Sunway.

I went there with 3 of my friends...Kah Fai, Gary and Kevin

flashback --> these 3 dudes had been with me since day 1 - literally
during orientation, i made friends with this 3.. we imediately clicked...
and been hanging out ever since..

yeah... so the worship was not bad... people there were friendly and i must say i felt really welcomed.

in KG ( cell group), we taked about the-BIBLE...
what does the word of God mean to u?how does the word of God effect ur life? 2 questions asked in KG...
answers: The bible is our Salvation, it is the only way we can communicate with God, it is God's guide for us on how to live a meaningful life.
well, the answer for the second question for me is... I am Free'd.. :)

Friday- (good friday service in Glad Tidings church)

it was a healing service..
i don't think i've really witnessed God's mirracle in real life before..
so it was a good experience for me..
the speaker was pretty good.. my brother calls him a walking bible..
because he can tell you something that is is written in the bible..- yesterday was about 40 verses one shot .. scary..

Miracles did happened... i felt God's presence.. a strong one~

that sums up my holy week... hehe

The -DREAM

i had the most disturbing and wierd dream last night.
it has been months i didn't have a nightmare till now~

in the dream :

location> classroom

all i remembered was this ~ someone was on a ladder and trying to get a mice off of the fan (i think)

then... when this "someone" threw this mice down... it flew towards my way.

i saw it, i took my file and block it away from me...

and then... as i wanted to throw the mice away, i couldn't even lift my file up...
i could only move my fail away from me with alot of difficulty.

after keeping away from that mice, there is this tiny little frog that jump out from the mice to my face all of a sudden...
> thats where i woke up... hmm... wierd ain't it?

There is a twist in this dream, the students in my class who like to tease me actually was worried when they saw me struggling with my file... i wonder what type of twist is that..

i felt something when i woke up... i felt that i have actually made the right choices in making friends....or something like that...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
just so wierd// now i am in the college library... all moody... for no particular reasons... hai~

My brother the Butcher

Thursday, 5.10/

Reached home from college, entered my home without my mom or dad with us for the very first time. My brother was enjoying a game of NBA basketball... so i joined him.

After the game, he decided to prepare himself a burger for dinner. I was about to take a bath, but got lazy and continue to play the game myself..

Suddenly, my bro mumbled in the kitchen...
this is what i heard
bro: Shit, shit...shi..sh...shi.....shit, shit.. shit. this is bad~
my: (thinking) what did he break this time?!
bro: (coming out from kitchen), kern sui... i just cut myself..

my brother's hands was covered with blood/ lots of it... As if he just murdered a big mice and he is showing it to me...
then he told me he just had "small" accident with the nife...

me ofcourse panic lar, threw him a kitchen towel to cover his bloody hands... then he gave me instructions on what to do...

one if it, is to put on his pants . funny arr? i don't think so lor.. :P

then rush down to the clinic...

some really bad and unlucky stuff happened when my bro got himself hurt and during the time we wanted to rush him to get some help
1: he wasn't wearing his pants/ i had to put it on
2:when we rushed down, neither of us brought our handphones.
3: when we enterd the lift, some bitch ass go and screw with the buttons.. almost all the button was pressed.
4: when we finally reached the clinic, the nurse saw my bro with a bloody towel on his hands..
guess what is the first thing she said?.. "can i have ur ic please"..
i was like- WTF?! ...
5: it cost RM 105...

so that night, i had to clean up the house ... coz it was like a murder scene.
me and my bro was so worried that my sis will faint if she went back before we did.
/ blood everywhere, sharp butcher nife laying around somewhere, both brothers not to be found, both brothers' handphone laying around... and everything wasn't switched of- tv,lights and fan.

so... lucky i went up earlier...(left my bro alone to have his dinner while i go up and clean up)...

at night, we prayed... praise the LORD my bro's thumb still there... lol~

Break More Stuff

I am in the college library now... expressing how is my day so far.

my heart is so heavy right now, my brain can't function...
i am about to lose my mind~!

this morning in Econs class, Miss Visha actually started the syllabus ... Finally~
i was so syked up to get going!.... until Ms Ruma came into our class...
i knew ..something horrible was going to struck... it DID!

her announcement> Applicable Maths Class is TOO full, some of the student has to take it on the next module .. ... .. AND replace English for the First Module...

I was worry and concerned, because i was one of the few students that accepted that English challenge. As if pushing me to go the early-econs class wasn't enough, now i have to take this alternative plan she got up in her sleeve...?!

i just feel so sad and angry at the same time. I am so worry about the effects of the change.

Because the new class specially planed for us was SMALL, i won't have enough friends...
in the NEW maths class next module, who am i going to look/ find to help me with my work..
in the NEW English class, how am i going to have fun with such a small group?! i plan to take english not to score well in it, but to enjoy the classes.... how the fuck i am able going to do that now?!

I know something ...SOMETHING is going to happen really soon. And its going to be GOOD...!

although i am pissed right now, my faith is telling me there SURELY something good or maybe FANTASTIC is going to come out from all this bloody changes...

I'll pray.

We'll see what happens
/ coz everyting happens for a reason...




its 5.06 P.m
just wanted to say praise the LORD, all plans was cancelled by teacher. everything is back to the same... :)

Break Stuff

Last night i was listening to Limp Bizkit's "break stuff"...
I love that song, releasing anger at its best!

the lyrics go something like :

Its just one of those days

When you don't wanna wake up

Everything is fucked

Everybody sux

You don't really know why

But want justify

Rippin' someone's head off

No human contact

And if you interact

Your life is on contract

Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker

It's just one of those days!!

>>that song pretty sums up my day.

in the morning, i missed my bus to school by a few minutes...

In college , i had an english test on whether we can handle that challenge. (English is a tough subject)\

i think i did extremely bad. guess i'll be doing ESL then... sob*sob*

After that, i found out that i had been transfered to the 'morning class' Econs. That means i have to wake up early every morning... start my class at 8.30/ end at 10.30

and laze around the campus for 4 hours doing nothin till the next class at 2.30

i went home - tired,hungry and abit pissed.

guess what happened at night, my dad called from tawau informing me that my EST didn't get 1 in SPM, that means i only got 3 As ...

that literally broke me into pieces... that don't make me less smarter/ but whatever i have aimed, how confident i was,... nothing really matters anymore.

thats where limp bizkit save my life. haha

Life Changing Experience

Last Night was the second night of the Freedom Talk in City Church. Basically, the main purpose of this talk is to give a understanding to the listeners what went wrong in their life, and how it effects their life even until today. The problem inside of them will not go away, they have to take a journey of healing with God in order to that.
the problems might be Abuse, Rejection, or a traumatic experience.

I looked at my brother, we smiled... because i knew he was once a rejected child among his friends... just because he reads more than them. ALOT more!~

So i thought to myself, what made me this bitter person?!/ what made me this dude that can literally think of beating up a kid when he annoy the crap out of me/ what made me this dude that is so sensitive and get pissed so easily even by the most petty things/ what made me this dude that can use words So sharp to cut a person's feeling/ a dude that can careless of other's feeling and be so selfish often.

I prayed for God's forgiveness. I felt so bad of taking out my anger on other people (friends/family) so often and saying things that i didn't mean to. I told the Lord that i would change, i plead God to heal me... and i wept. I felt a sense of relief when the pastor prayed for me. As if all my pain and hurts gone away in that second.

As i look back at my life, so often people ask me ... Why you hate kids so much?
And i always answer them the same answer - I Had A TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD.

Evidence to prove that~ i almost drowned in Sipadan Island
~ i have a huge accident in a toy factory, i twisted my arms badly when
my arms got stuck in one of the machine for hours.
~ I had multiple injuries by falling from objects... careless child!

my nickname in the family : Accident BOY

Sounds like a stupid action hero name doesn't it?! Well, my family thinks that is funny i was the kid that just LOVE to get himself into trouble and accident.

My childhood is considered GOOD ... compared to kids who their own parents reject them and wish they never born. I had everything when i was a child, my parents loved me- i know...
its just words that comes out from them can really effect me so much .. they don't realise that~

i am just thankful that GOD heals. I kow i can change~ i will...

D-DAY

Alright, so today is the day that i've been waiting for... D-day that shows me whether i've wasted the last 2 years of "studying".

10.15, a SMS came to my mom's handphone...
ITS my bloody result!
I was not too excited to be honest... i was worry the subjects that i expected to get 1s won't be.
My mom said : Congrats, ur BI got 1
(my reaction)- shit, worry so much for nothing!
and then she said : Maths and EST got 1s
(my reaction) : just like expected lor...
my sis suddenly yells out that got a 1 for my accounts
(my reaction) : Fucking happy!!!! i was like ... luckily!!!

so my morning ofcoz went on well lar... me so happy with that 4 As/
well, my expectation is so low... doesn't really matter if my result sucked.

i heard a malay girl got 17 As... What the hell!? 17 As??? .... crazy rite...

and here i am, rejoicing over my "Achievments" !

oh well, i actually studied for those few subjects anyway... so i didn't waste those 2 years at all...!
most importantly, my mom and dad are so proud of me...

thats right, you heard me... not easy and often you will hear these words coming out from me.
Lets call it a day here.

College Life

Today was the very first day of the beginning of my college life.
The orientation for my course- AUSMAT was this morning/ 9 a.m
I've set the alarm clock to wake me up 7.30. Didn't need the alarm clock... i couldn't even sleep.
I was too excited i guess. My brother has prayed for me before i slept so i would not fear the college life. Me myself can't explain this feeling, i was worried i would not make any friends, I was worry about the course itself.Funny, I wasn't worry about my SPM result at all.

WELL, orientation went well. I was SO ready for it, i waited for the bus to college... but it didn't show up. Bloody crappy start...ain't it? So i took the texi instead.
Okie, so here's the best part... I made 4 new friends. Gary from seremban, Edward from Malacca, Kevin- local dude, and Kah Fai. We did everything together for today... so i am pretty happy for that. Alot of pretty girls 2.......SHWEET!!!

Tomorrow, my spm result will come out... Yet, i am still so relax here. I am confident i will Get at lease 5 credits. hehe.... Now you see why i am so relax here// expectation low... haha!!!

will update tomorrow- result result... and how i'll feel if i get suckish results

Escape from Tawau

Finally, I am in KL.College life to begin in 2 days time!!!
Am i excited??Well, i WAS... until i met a Sunway College counselor this morning.
She told me my SPM needs to be extra good to cope with the asutralian matriculation syllabus.Damn it, my mood all gone already...
Now, i have to worry about my SPM result AND the AUSMAT.

Oh well, My weekend was fantastic. I attended two churches last night. Morning i went Glad Tidings, Huge church... Night i went City Church. Great Fun, Altered Frekuency performed!!! I think i felt more comfortable in City Church because the night before we had a game of "cash flow" (board game) with a few church members. I thought it was a great ice breaker. Oh yea, had dinner and a long chat with some of them after the City church service... really "touched" to see people there are so warm and treat us so well.


I can't wait to go college for the orientation... we'll see what happens!

Drama Drama

21 grams~the most mind-bending movie i ever watched and actually enjoyed it

Brother: Shit!!! my document wasn't saved and now i have to do it all over again!!!
Me :(watching tv) Hey, 9.00 got 21 grams!

My brother had told me that he was planning to buy the DVD of this show ... but why buy it if u can watch it on astro?!

So he-(frustrated) watched it together with me.

How would i review the show?
well, its freakin Sad to the max!
Starring : Sean Penn as a heart transplant patient (oscar winner)
: Benicio Del Toro as a born again ex-con (oscar winner)
: Naomi Watts as a grieving mother (oscar nominated)

At first, this drama is very puzzled... slowly i have figure it out and then it's a wait till the end.

This drama actually made me and my brother flash back on some sad stuff from the movie.

(DEATH)~ In the ending of this drama, Sean Penn said a person will lose 21 grams immediately after dying. My brother said a person's soul or life is just 21 grams..
Me and my bro got pretty emo in the middle of the movie ... we were talking about one of his friends. ..How he lost his 2nd brother and father in a car accident..Ngam ngam that dude's youngest brother is also my friend. And i remembered losing my own friend to cancer and attending his funeral ceremony.

Now i have a deep feeling within me... maybe a greater appreciation of my own life.

I actually enjoyed this emotional and innovative-mind bending cinematic style drama.

Love At First Sight

in the movie CLOSER... It says: If you believe in love at first sight, you'll never stop looking.

for me, i don't believe in love at first sight, but i sure do enjoy looking at them cuties and hoties.. hehe

The theme song for the movie (i am guessing) is Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time

And so it is

The colder water

The blower's daughter

The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?Did I say that I want toLeave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...

My mind...my mind...

Til I find somebody new

Reunion Gathering

Today, I woke up as if I had a hung-over. I overnight in Andrew’s place the night before and woke up all tired and blurry. Slept a bit late because I was busy watching Liverpool’s ass get whooped by CFC. Anyways, the day continued like any other day until I Yam Cha with my friends in oasis at night.

Well, 12 of my ex-classmates turned up including Kabir… we chatted, joked around, took photographs and basically caught up with one another. All of us had our drink, many of them called deserts and snacks. There was a small misunderstanding though, some of them thought that I will be the one who will sponsor everything. There ain’t no way I am gonna pay nothing for no one!~ anyways, we got things sorted out and everything was settled. After that, we went to highway. We bought a few cans of beer and a few bottle of alcoholic drink and enjoyed it while chatting some more. Reach home around 12.30… pretty good day for me I must say.

Hmm, thinking about all the stupid things I did in school with my friends… guess I’ll miss them after all.