Finding Myself and NoOne else

I planned to chill yesterday as i was prepared to do most of my college work today- on this b.e.a.utiful holiday in celebration of Malaysia's independence.
Didn't do so... because my friends that i called all either had already made plans or they wanted to rest and go out today instead. I can go out on my own. yes.. but not last night. Yesterday I find myself in college alone after every class ended. (alone in empty classes) As if i wasn't studying in AUSMAT.
well, its not like i'm not use to it. But 3 classes in a row with noone around me (that i actually want hanging out) after class. Its like what da hell maN~! Do I even have friends?!

My pick of the time table sucked. I chose cool people to hang out with rather -friends- that like hanging out with me. about 3/5 of my timeslots i dislike.

Oh well, at least after college hours was alright. I played basketball with MJ- waited for his class to end then played together. Though no proper gear (i was wearing baggy jeans and a pink t-shirt) , i had fun and saw myself improve in 3points shots.
there goes my self motivation shitz again. I sucked.. i don't play that often- not my fault. haha!

currently listening to B2K's take it to the floor... Daaammn!~ good shizzle.

Swing Life Away

currently listening to Rise Against ' Swing Life Away'.
This is a really tight song.

Swing Life Away Lyrics

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world

We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go...

I think I can relate to this part... because i think that i really had a blast with the new friends i made here in this 6 months. I'm greatful for their acceptance of me and whole lot of luv.. haha!

kinda miss my hometown abit. was chatting with a Tawau chic in AUSMAT today. I talked to her once in SMK Kuhara once... apparently she had forgotten it ( sad-case) ..
however, she was super excited that there was another Tawau dude besides herself when i told her in friendster 2 months ago. Yea, we kinda chatted about our hometown abit today in the library.

nothing interesting happened today. Accounting 'company open book test was not too hard.
IS project not going anywhere. haiz~! damn it..

... entertaining blog

weekend's here. Oh boy, another challenging week to do something productive in my saturday morning.

woke up/walk out from room/realizing mom and dad had already left to the airport.
[Feelings]: I will miss my parents. ALOT
:damn, parents arent here. my friend from China has already gone back.

I went to college to discuss about my IS project around 8.30 am.
[Thoughts/Feelings]: ShiTT!!! again... waste my freakin' time in college only! The project ain't making no progress and i am feeling useless again for doing nothing for my group members.
Information System is starting to get into my nerves and its screwing my stress levels big time!

*after bitching about how we can't do the IS project *... we decided to leave it and ask help from others another day. So i wasted my saturday morning again in a way and went home.
(11.00 am)
[Thoughts]: Fuck IS. I want to eat. haven't eaten my breakfast.

got a heavy brunch, damn satisfying... guess i'm back to my old ways. seeking joy and comfort in food.

just took a look at how i first started blogging. remembered my cousin and brother really enjoyed the lameness and funny stuff going on with my life. realize that those dayz are long gone. In KL, new friends... new lifestyle... i guess being myself was not the best options.
=screw it=.. this is the only place to rant!

today, my brother just came back from a "24 hours 'brain storm to come up with an brilliant idea' for an advertisement competition" yea, saw him lying as if he was dead when i was back for my brunch. He had to wake up from that nap (12pm to 3pm) for worship practice. He left the house around 4 (after telling his church members he'd compromise - by whatever he has got left in him).. hehe. yea, he was pissafied when he couldn't find the car. apparently my dad had park it somewhere else without lettin any of us know where before he went to the airport . So... things was just not going his way...
so his frustration was taken out on me. haha. ' quite funny to see how often i too take out my frustration on innocent people when my day is badly fucked up'.


[other thoughts]: Sean Paul new song "we be burning" is HOT!

in Charge of my life

dissapointed with my recent evaluation exam results. Yesterday, my ESL lecturer said something that really challenged me to really give my best shot/ put in effort in whatever i do.

Mr Jay: Victor, you did quite badly in your exam. and also in your ESL project.
Me : Oh.... okay~
Mr Jay: Me and Ms Sothi (ESL second lecturer) were discussing about you and we think that
You have brains but never want to think.
Me : Oh... yes ah? I'll think harder.
Mr Jay: Its not that Victor, you are just lazy. Lazy to think and want to get the paper over with
ASAP.


I think that he was pretty right about that. It was the last paper- and maybe i rushed abit and got into the holiday mood that time. Hopefully, those words (very honest and abit painful) will motivate me.

Yesterday (thursday/ 25 August)
a speaker was invited to out Christian Fellowship. He said it is not true when people say that we are future leaders. Instead, we are leaders NOW and our campus need us.
~" TIME TO TAKE CHARGE"~

after CF, celebrated my brother's birthday in T.G.I.F. My first time at FridayS. Food was really expensive, portion is said to be reduced since the last time my father and brother ate there. Good stuff!!!

self

22nd August - New Module of AUSMAT.

went MPH to select our subjects slot and made sure all our particulars (for TEE) were accurate.
overall of my 'rush' decisions in picking classes of each subjects was not bad. wierd. but not bad.

after that, took my EE results.
Accounts: 56% (not good enough for me. i am dissapointed with myself. )
IS : 49.5 % (failed by 0.5%)

in IS class, my lecturer pass back our database project. My group got 39/50. I was quite happy with that but he asked 5 question (to make sure everyone was involved and 10 marks will be cut for every question answered wrongly).
to make the situation more shitty, 2/4 members was not in class. so the other 2/4 (me and Eva) answer 2 questions wrongly. 3 more question will be answered by my other group members.

[brief thought]: FUCK!
[actual thought] : Fucking piece of shit! Other groups got easier question than mine. bloody hell!

ESL : barely pass.

remembered this line in the movie 'BRUCE ALMIGHTY'.
bruce: I am tired of a mediocere job!
I am tired of this mediocere house!
and I'm tired of this mediocere LIFE!!!

Mediocere life? I'm SO living in it. (in everything i do)

[troubled thoughts]:
RESULTS? especially results.
WALK with JESUS? never giving my all, surrendering my all
FRIENDS? never taking out my mask
Others? i'm pissed because i can no longer be honest in this blog. personal problem will be kept.

semi-deep thoughts

Its 4.30 am, and i don't think i'm able to get back to bed...Maybe its because it wasn't my day.
sounds like i'm not having fun during my holidays at all, thats not true!
2 days ago, went to Natalie's place to chill.
Watched an "interesting" movie together with Nat and Dave, and had a meal (prepared by Nat) after that. It was definitely one of the better days (something to do, somewhere to go, someone to meet) of this break.

[self] : my blog has became a place for me to tell people the events of day. Its meaningless!

In Batu Pahat, i completed a book recomended by my brother since last year.
title- Wild At Heart.
[self/thoughts] : The book is about the journey one takes to be a MAN// the transition of boy becoming a MAN.
D QUESTION was enfasized many times. D Question was " Do I have what it takes to be a MAN?"
The book continue with how the modernization of Christian churches and other factors has made Christian man weak. The effects and also the solutions through Jesus.

my brother said " This book has changed my life!" ... bah~ Maybe later on in my life lah... hehe!

However, my favourite part of the book is about how Men are often weaken by women.
in our world today, Guys normally look to women as an answer to know whether they are Macho/MAN enough . Thats where they either feel powerful or weak and disgusted by themselves.
Taking Adam as an example, he wasn't deceived by the devil- Eve did. He made the choice to try the apple that Eve gave him. WHY?! He chose Eve over God.

wild at heart

went missing

(Sunday,14th August)
I found a taxi driver that was looking for 1 more customer to go Batu Pahat. I got packing straight away after i made the phone call as he was going to take off around 11. Without informing my sis, i took my bags and waited for him in college and off i went.

reached my grandmom's place around 4.15-
my story in my second home for the 3 nights i stayed there was all the same.

my busy schedule :
morning - wake up/ eat
afternoon-eat/ nap
night - eat/ sleep

I was sick most of the time~ stomach ache~ .. every meal that is. It was always more than what my capacity could hold. lol

(Wednesday ,17 August)
woke up bout 4.45. Time to go home. taxi came around 5.20

It was a very boring break. I'm not complaining. I think it was worth it.
spending quality time with my 'Ah Ma' and all.

[thoughts] Today's cab driver was different from the one who sent me there.
(suppose to be the same coz i called that dude to bring me back wan..)
so yea, the guy smoked like a pack of cigarettes during the journey back here. BLOODY IDIOT
*cough cough* i'm sick.

confused.

woke up. Haze levels has gone down a Lot. the sky was blue and sunny.
My day was flippin' dull until I went to GT young adult service in the evening.
after service, we (SS19A cell) ate in "paris" restaurant. BEST!
normally... i would some up such a day as a " Great Day".

not today. I'm moody. confused about why i am feeling like this.
possible reasons:

1)i cancelled a huge gathering of my EX schoolmates because of the concerns of haze levels
~ weather was excellent today, felt as though i cancelled the gathering for no reasons!

2)I changed my mind about going back Tawau because the concern of a group project for my Information Systems. Non of my group members wanted to discuss it during the break
~ so, i'm not going back to tawau for no bloody reasons!

I think my break has been total bullocks!!! i'm not enjoying this a bit.

[feelings]
i want to play basketball.
i miss you shivy.
i miss tawau's food.
i bought the face mask for 1 freakin day?! oh well, damn!

clear skies 

new hair cut. abit too short 

Satisfaction

My Break isn't going too well. Yesterday i sprained my ankles, so it wasn't the best start at all.
My plans of playing basketball can be put aside already.

Woke up this morning- with WHOLE LOT OF pain! But i was determined to make the best out of my short AUSMAT break. So i went to ICHIBAN suchi buffet in the noon with some of my friends.

it was in KL city, we got lost a few times during the drive there. Weather wasn't bad at all. The haze was not as bad as PJ.
So yea, we managed to reached in the end. was Soo ready to eat all i can. waHahaha/
cost about 32++ per person. I would say it was pretty worth it. :)
"i can't move". its a sign of a great buffet of any kind. don't you think?!~ hehe

self

Today was my last day of Evaluation Exam.
Highlight of my day? attended CF's prayer meeting for the first time. The Cf meeting was cut short due to the haze, so locals can go home early and safely.

During CF, there were many new faces. about 10 of them, all from AUSMAT (JPA scholars).
i gave them a pretty good impression of me i guess. I missed a step in LT6 and fell down. Big Impact drop, sprained my right angkle. Oh man, felt as though i was injured from a basketball game. Good times~!

self

currently listening to an old MP3 Cd burned from Tawau. Brings back loadz of memory of what music i used to hear while studying for my SPM.

there's this one song that never fail to make me feel emotional.
Its Baby Bash's "Sugar Sugar" - It is a sexy song that degrades women just like any hip hop stuff out there...

but i remember watching this video alone back at home 2 years ago ..all emotional..that was after i got the news that my close friend, someone i loved was going to move to West Malaysia.
So yea...everytime i hear that song, I think of her.

Haze here is getting worst... Feels as though I'm in Genting "Flippin smokey" Highlands.
Tomorrow is my last day of Evaluation Exam. All i can think of now is How Much my break won't be any different from college dayz abit.

whats up?

my alarm clock is set to 8.30 am. Its 4.15, and now i can't sleep back.

can't sleep because of EE?... i think not. Most probably itz because of the plans after EE.

I actually planned to go back Tawau after my EEs... but because my freakin' break which is only 1 week, its abit too short of a time to go home. Instead, i am going to Batu Pahat, Johor to visit my grandmom. I shall go on a monday since getting tickets on the weekend is most unlikely.

preparation~

Tuesday my EE will start.
last night i chilled. decided to online abit.
found out most AusMat students already "ready" for the exams. So many of them online~

Today is very hazy... rhymes with Lazy eh?
thats how my day is going so far. i just studied abit of the accounting teories.

Information System is next on my "Try 2 Do list". hehe

Now?... chillin listenin to some sexy music. R&B stuff/

Extreme Park under construction. Super Dusty the roads! 

HAZE!!! 

books+ps2 joystick?! 

something different

My Evaluation Exams starts Tuesday. Most of my friends are already feeling Stress-gila! Their bedtime is around 3, 4 some 5. For me, i don't even study at night anymore. The most i could do is focus about 45 mins on one sub or topic. thats it~ So.. ya, i am still chilling at the moment.

today, (8.50 am).. knowing i will waste first half of my saturday, i decided to study in college later. I think my place is such a tough spot to be motivated to study with PS2, astro and dvd player in front of me.. and.. Sacrificing just ain't my thing.

past
i managed to pull up one of my accounts paper marks from 47% to 67%. Does not seem much diffrent in performance wise.. but it contribute a huge diffrence in my average marks.
Praise the Lord.

currently listening to some pretty sentimental stuff.
current favs : Alanis Morissette's My house
Royksopp :Only this moment

thoughts

2nd day of august. Went down alright.
i got back my accounts result... the marks?... very colorful. could have done alot better!
the results were horrifying. I had 2 paper. I got almost 90 for my first and got Less than 50 for my second paper... I mean... What The Hell man!!! my average went from 90 something to 80 something. now-> 70!

anyways. Me, MJ and EeLing watched a movie today. We couldn't decide whether to watch 'The Island' or 'Stealth'. we couldn't decide on the time either. it was either 3 pm show or 5.45 show. So i changed my accounts class from afternoon to morning just incase any changes are made.

in the end, 3 of us watched 'The Island'. Honestly, i wasn't really excited to watch this movie ever since the trailer came out. The story sounded stupid and everything was just so illogical.

okok... the movie. Shitty Beginning. One of the lamest start to a movie EVErrrR! ( to be detailed- it was freakin draggy)
later on, the movie started to kick some major butts! The action scene was reaAlly.. long.
the movie sure hell spent alot on the action sequences in it. ( alot alot of stuff were destroyed)
besides action, ya lar.. violence and also hot chic. but .. don't know why... not very complete.

ending... F***ed UP. I don't really get it. A bunch of clones...saved by the starrings (not killed for their main purpose of life- replacing organs) all around the empty field. in the background is a really hopeful type of music. As if there is hope for them to start a new life. OMG! WTH! what will happen to the non clones?! again. the movie is super crappy with enough action to satisfy me. hehe

Scarlette lips are so hot that is only second to Angelina Jolie. 

The Island