end

Thinking Big will no longer be updated.
i have a new site. still blogspot.
but a more personal blog. somewhere i might improve myself. my language especially (i need to flowering my england) haha. and my blogging style. i am not satisfy with this site. so...

no more compromising. .

i was right!

indeed. my six sense lead my thinking that putting too much thoughts on what to do during this break was a waste of time total bullshit!

and guess what.... I know now.
couldn't sleep well last night, guess i was excited about today's plans and what not.
played a crappy game of basketball in the morning- i have lost my stamina and definitely my flow.

my next plan was to watch a movie and hang out with friends...
the second part didn't happen. i watch the movie alone instead.

well~ i have priority when hanging out with people (important people and replacements)
[again. i don't feel good about myself in this/ but i ain't an ass kisser either respect my
honesty]
that's why planning (which now i know is bullshit) is important.

okay. so here's what happened.
cancelled my original plans to celebrate this girl's birthday. the only reason i did this is to show my appreciation of how sweet she was in MY birthday and i know it will mean so much more to her if i was there.

after my basketball game in college, i rushed back and rested plus washed up>> and off i was to Pyramid. Got there, called her... found out that she and her friends were in the shop opposite my college eating lunch. H a H a... fucking funny huh!

good one~! its as if i was not invited/
they were celebrating in the bloody restaurant and i was alone in Pyramid like a freakin' fool!

i don't understand... was it that hard to message me earlier that the plans has changed.
its like i'm back at Tawau getting dissapointed by friend's stupidity...
(rub it in)... i had no back up/Subs this time// there i was. all alone.
they came to pyramid eventually... wanted to meet me up and watch a show together.
guess what i was doing when they arrived? i was already in the comfortable seat in the cinema, the seat that i requested was the top row corner. away from any dumbassNeSS a 'bright' friend can give one.

i sound like i am taking out my frustrations on my friends.i'm not. I ain't made at them. i am just pissed that i care and give a shit about petty situations like this.

mocks

OHHHHhhhh YeAHH! mocks are over BABEee(with and 'eh' sound at the end)!!!

nope. i'm not mentioning anything about the mocks, how was my preparation and my experience entering the freazing exam hall for the past 4 days...

maybe i am. abit. about mocks, it sucked.

okieeeeee, next topic. 1 week Break! what shall i do? what shall i do?...

(sudden blankness in my mind// a change of mood)
just a fucking break. so what. why the hell am i puting so much thought on what to do and who to hang out with . all i am doing is putting myself in a postition to get dissapointed anyways. But the worst thing is knowing that i have back up( substitute ~a cruel way of saying~) whenever i get dissapointed by friends and using those backups only when i need them.

this week.
[fav tv series] the practice and one tree hill.
[fav movie] motorcycle diary and runaway jury
fav song] Diddy's Victory

self

shit! friendster got this new feature "who viewed me"...
damn! though its nice to know got people interested in you, or your friends actually still wants to keep in touch with you by checking your profile and stuff.
BUT!!!
imagine if i had a crush and i just TERchecked the girl's profile a couple of time...
how freaked out she would be!?!
how would you feel if the person who viewed your profile (most probably your pictures) more than 5 times in a week was some stalker/ ex boy friend/ best friend's bf/gf?... you would definitely feel uncomfortable right?!

to everyone out there who do not want to be caught looking at your college's leng luiS picS in friendster. Go to your friendster setting and set yourself as 'autonomous' when viewing people's profile.

p/s. i don't stare at leng luiS pic that often. just incase you guys needed this tip. So.. yea. haha.

self

[news]
hmmm... loadz of bad news this few days.
well, there was the Bali bombings. what a pity, just when they are almost recovered from the previous terrorist attack/bombings on 12,october 2002... yet another brave dick go blows himself (not intended to sound dirty) and killed so many innocent lives.

today, there were a few old people died from a capsized boat.

a few days back, there was Typhoon in China.

what other bad news... in USA, all i can think of is those hurricane (Rita and Katrina).

ladies and gentleman, we are going into the end times. END TIMES I TELL YOU!!!
oh yea, Bush still the president.that sucks! haha

feelings

[guilt]. It was my cell leader -David's last day in SS19A cell. was supposed to be an affirmation for him. However, many of my cell members including myself were not willing to sacrifice our time for him. So the affirmation for David went on without many cell members including myself. My excuse was Mocks were few days away, my sis' was her exam was on the very next day.
I am feeling guilty not because i didn't study during that time (friday night)... but how selfish i was and unappreciative for all that David have done... which was alot. I kinda think that one of the factors is because Bing Bing weren't there, the mood was just not there.

[worried]. I am worried about Mocks. i am worried that i had/have so little problem procastinating doing my revisions. that means... i am worry that i'm not worried of Mocks at all.

[challenged]. To wrestle with challenges in my life. and yea, 30days fast.(BIG challenge)

self

updated my blog template for the last time.
hope this Look will last longer.

college has been the same.
my view on college has changed abit.
on making new friends...
on experiencing campus life...
on achieving good result..(trying at least)...
all these, i feel that i was really stupid to be charged and thrilled because of the petty shit before.

Now... my views? will update soon.
now still trying to study for mocks

Bye!

today was an emotional day for me.
Bing Bing- an international student from China, a good friend from my cell group went back China for good. WE (some cell members, church members & church leaders) went KLIA to sent her off.
I woke up around 5.30 and got ready to go KLIA.
met the whole bunch at McDs. after breakfast... it was time to send Bing Bing and her mom off to China. We prayed for her... and tears started flowing from her and her closer friends.
i've only known her 5 months... but she was already like a big sister to me.
She was always positive, ever caring and encouraging... trully a blessing in my life.
i cried abit i guess (not ashame.. hehe)// won't be able to find someone like her any time soon.

self

currently listening to 2pac's 'unconditional love' .

It's about his love for his brothaS whos smoking crack , drug dealing and doing time- those who are struggling trying to change their ways.

reminds me about AGAPE love( God's Unconditional Love) for us...
we[just like 2pac's brothas] are trying to change our ways...
Though we sin ever so often, God always forgive us and continue loving his children..
and yea "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE".

(25th september- updated post)
contentment. i've got it. i've found it.
yesterday's young adult service in Glad Tidings Church was amazing.
Pastor Julie preached about the Miracles of God...
before that, i felt a peace in my heart /a sense of true joy during praise and worship.
its a great feeling to be loved. unconditionally~ by God.