t h i n k B I G

end

2005-10-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

Thinking Big will no longer be updated.
i have a new site. still blogspot.
but a more personal blog. somewhere i might improve myself. my language especially (i need to flowering my england) haha. and my blogging style. i am not satisfy with this site. so...

no more compromising. .

i was right!

2005-10-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

indeed. my six sense lead my thinking that putting too much thoughts on what to do during this break was a waste of time total bullshit!

and guess what.... I know now.
couldn't sleep well last night, guess i was excited about today's plans and what not.
played a crappy game of basketball in the morning- i have lost my stamina and definitely my flow.

my next plan was to watch a movie and hang out with friends...
the second part didn't happen. i watch the movie alone instead.

well~ i have priority when hanging out with people (important people and replacements)
[again. i don't feel good about myself in this/ but i ain't an ass kisser either respect my
honesty]
that's why planning (which now i know is bullshit) is important.

okay. so here's what happened.
cancelled my original plans to celebrate this girl's birthday. the only reason i did this is to show my appreciation of how sweet she was in MY birthday and i know it will mean so much more to her if i was there.

after my basketball game in college, i rushed back and rested plus washed up>> and off i was to Pyramid. Got there, called her... found out that she and her friends were in the shop opposite my college eating lunch. H a H a... fucking funny huh!

good one~! its as if i was not invited/
they were celebrating in the bloody restaurant and i was alone in Pyramid like a freakin' fool!

i don't understand... was it that hard to message me earlier that the plans has changed.
its like i'm back at Tawau getting dissapointed by friend's stupidity...
(rub it in)... i had no back up/Subs this time// there i was. all alone.
they came to pyramid eventually... wanted to meet me up and watch a show together.
guess what i was doing when they arrived? i was already in the comfortable seat in the cinema, the seat that i requested was the top row corner. away from any dumbassNeSS a 'bright' friend can give one.

i sound like i am taking out my frustrations on my friends.i'm not. I ain't made at them. i am just pissed that i care and give a shit about petty situations like this.

mocks

2005-10-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

OHHHHhhhh YeAHH! mocks are over BABEee(with and 'eh' sound at the end)!!!

nope. i'm not mentioning anything about the mocks, how was my preparation and my experience entering the freazing exam hall for the past 4 days...

maybe i am. abit. about mocks, it sucked.

okieeeeee, next topic. 1 week Break! what shall i do? what shall i do?...

(sudden blankness in my mind// a change of mood)
just a fucking break. so what. why the hell am i puting so much thought on what to do and who to hang out with . all i am doing is putting myself in a postition to get dissapointed anyways. But the worst thing is knowing that i have back up( substitute ~a cruel way of saying~) whenever i get dissapointed by friends and using those backups only when i need them.

this week.
[fav tv series] the practice and one tree hill.
[fav movie] motorcycle diary and runaway jury
fav song] Diddy's Victory

self

2005-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

shit! friendster got this new feature "who viewed me"...
damn! though its nice to know got people interested in you, or your friends actually still wants to keep in touch with you by checking your profile and stuff.
BUT!!!
imagine if i had a crush and i just TERchecked the girl's profile a couple of time...
how freaked out she would be!?!
how would you feel if the person who viewed your profile (most probably your pictures) more than 5 times in a week was some stalker/ ex boy friend/ best friend's bf/gf?... you would definitely feel uncomfortable right?!

to everyone out there who do not want to be caught looking at your college's leng luiS picS in friendster. Go to your friendster setting and set yourself as 'autonomous' when viewing people's profile.

p/s. i don't stare at leng luiS pic that often. just incase you guys needed this tip. So.. yea. haha.

self

2005-10-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

[news]
hmmm... loadz of bad news this few days.
well, there was the Bali bombings. what a pity, just when they are almost recovered from the previous terrorist attack/bombings on 12,october 2002... yet another brave dick go blows himself (not intended to sound dirty) and killed so many innocent lives.

today, there were a few old people died from a capsized boat.

a few days back, there was Typhoon in China.

what other bad news... in USA, all i can think of is those hurricane (Rita and Katrina).

ladies and gentleman, we are going into the end times. END TIMES I TELL YOU!!!
oh yea, Bush still the president.that sucks! haha

feelings

2005-10-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

[guilt]. It was my cell leader -David's last day in SS19A cell. was supposed to be an affirmation for him. However, many of my cell members including myself were not willing to sacrifice our time for him. So the affirmation for David went on without many cell members including myself. My excuse was Mocks were few days away, my sis' was her exam was on the very next day.
I am feeling guilty not because i didn't study during that time (friday night)... but how selfish i was and unappreciative for all that David have done... which was alot. I kinda think that one of the factors is because Bing Bing weren't there, the mood was just not there.

[worried]. I am worried about Mocks. i am worried that i had/have so little problem procastinating doing my revisions. that means... i am worry that i'm not worried of Mocks at all.

[challenged]. To wrestle with challenges in my life. and yea, 30days fast.(BIG challenge)

self

2005-09-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

updated my blog template for the last time.
hope this Look will last longer.

college has been the same.
my view on college has changed abit.
on making new friends...
on experiencing campus life...
on achieving good result..(trying at least)...
all these, i feel that i was really stupid to be charged and thrilled because of the petty shit before.

Now... my views? will update soon.
now still trying to study for mocks

Bye!

2005-09-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

today was an emotional day for me.
Bing Bing- an international student from China, a good friend from my cell group went back China for good. WE (some cell members, church members & church leaders) went KLIA to sent her off.
I woke up around 5.30 and got ready to go KLIA.
met the whole bunch at McDs. after breakfast... it was time to send Bing Bing and her mom off to China. We prayed for her... and tears started flowing from her and her closer friends.
i've only known her 5 months... but she was already like a big sister to me.
She was always positive, ever caring and encouraging... trully a blessing in my life.
i cried abit i guess (not ashame.. hehe)// won't be able to find someone like her any time soon.

self

2005-09-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

currently listening to 2pac's 'unconditional love' .

It's about his love for his brothaS whos smoking crack , drug dealing and doing time- those who are struggling trying to change their ways.

reminds me about AGAPE love( God's Unconditional Love) for us...
we[just like 2pac's brothas] are trying to change our ways...
Though we sin ever so often, God always forgive us and continue loving his children..
and yea "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE".

(25th september- updated post)
contentment. i've got it. i've found it.
yesterday's young adult service in Glad Tidings Church was amazing.
Pastor Julie preached about the Miracles of God...
before that, i felt a peace in my heart /a sense of true joy during praise and worship.
its a great feeling to be loved. unconditionally~ by God.

blessed

2005-09-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

21st of september.
yep. 1 day past my 18th birthday.
got surprised again by my cell members.
supposed to give my friend 'Bing Bing' from China a farewell...
we did that... but they sang the birthday song and brought out a cake for my out of the blue.
both Bing Bing and I got prayers from Karen (church leader).

so yea... blessed birthday indeed

picture is worth a thousand words.

2005-09-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

i do not have a picture with me. So i'm gonna write more this time because i want to have a mental picture of today's awsome experience. Oh yea~ i experienced being 18 for the first time in my life!!
haha... lame~

okay.. i didn't really expect much for this year's birthday even though its my 18th birthday.
*like Kevin said- expect nothing. thats the recipe for contentment* i agree. haha

My past few birthdayS spent in Tawau was no different from a normal day only the additional dissapointment that my birthday was not as Fun ( people forget- nothing happened- still feel the same without any growth in my life ) as i thought it would have turn out to be.
~ What more KL ... when i've only been here about 6-7 months?! .~

i was wrong. Meng Jiew did a good job in planning a 'surprise' for me after college hours.
he bought a cake and invited many of our friends in college to join and enjoy the cake...
i felt touched/definitely ... not only because of the ' small celebration' but all the wishes i got before that in college and at home.

Got more birthday wishes here than i could hope for... (10 times more than Tawau i think.. haha) appreciated more here.~ i sure hope so! hehe

had dinner with my brother and sister in Pizza Hut.
i am totally satisfied with my 18th birthday.

the 18th birthday experience of getting drunk?... i think i am going to skip that.
not supposed to get drunk- can drink larr-if u guys ajak- haha!!

to those that have made my day. God Bless you guyz... and i love you guys to pieces... well , some of ya~! haha... You know who you are!~

self

2005-09-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

yesterday's church service was refreshing.
it was about the gift of Holy Spirit. Though there is only 1 God, we believe in the holy trinity which is the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

The gift to Non Believers is Salvation ( Son).
The gift to Believers is the Holy Spirit.

both requires faith.

I think i have been missing the direct contact with the 'supernatural'. My relationship with God / my walk has been shaky for the past few weeks. Never really welcomed the Holy Spirit.

Oh yea, i am thirsty... thirsty for the power of God to fill me and the Holy Spirit to move-filling the gaps in area of weakness in my life.

[request]: prayers.

Me Time (September)

2005-09-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

hey, my birthday is this coming tuesday.
nope.. no celebrations. Got test a day before and after the day itself.
So yea, unless i buy a cake for myself and sing the birthday song to myself (having a blast by myself)... i'll be studying for the test too.

so if i was going to have 'that' blast, i did it on the weekend. today lar. I got myself a new bag and watched ' Cinderella Man' by myself.

Cinderella Man. an oscar worthy show with brilliant performance by Russell Crowe and Renee Zellweger with Paul Giamatti.

Based on a true story heroism of Jim Braddock-A depression-era fighter and folk hero.
He was a potential young champion during his prime only to have his dreams shattered by constant injuries.
He started losing after that and couldn't get good fights. It was 4 years into the great depression and he struggled with poverty(just like many other person during that time).
He had to work in shifts to earn a small amount of money (not enough to pay his electric bill, and milk for the family).
Slowly... he fight his way back to the top and beat Max Baer (killed 2 people in the ring during the fight itself) for the world championship title.

after watching the movie, i tried to save my money. cancelled whatever plan to buy new pants and shoes.

2005-09-17T03:15:00.000-07:00

go watch it! awsome show

2005-09-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

Cinderella Man

tak jadi!!!

2005-09-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

oh. i decided to pierce my ears on this very day.
my dad was okay with it when i told him about it a few weeks ago. mom wasn't really happy with the idea though... how would she be? .. there's only enough room for one ketiak. (bro) in my family.

the idea actually came about during the holidays and when i wanted a change. so, i've been thinking about it ever since.

i chicken out in the end i guess...
~ too much negative comments. example: i'll look funny, i'll look LALA/Ah Beng (useless punks in the streets of M'Sia nowadays) and what people impression of me in the future will be like (as if i give a shit).

~imagine what will my church leaders do to me. / not that is a sin, but i have no good reason in piercing my ears either... i had no personal issues or lack of self confidence because of my looks.

~ i think it will really affect how i present myself to others, ( Very NOT ME- whatever that means, because i am still searching for an answer for that too)

oh well... no more. whoever told me not to do it wins!

Sweet!

2005-09-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

one of the best stand up comedians out there - Russell Peters.
known for his unique brand of comedy, Russell Peters explores attitudes towards race in a way that is fresh, surprising, hard-hitting and at times controversial.

thanks to Kevin's constant 'spot on' immitation of him in college, i find myself bursting into laughter every time...So yea, i just had to watch the real thing for myself.
I watched it... loved it. My bro watched it...loved it.
here is the link . download the full thing.

[other news]: 'the practice' is back on Tv. Woohoo

oh yea, Russell Peters swears. [ just in case]
'at times controversial?' ... watch it!

High

2005-09-11T16:00:00.000-07:00

i am high on caffeine.
its 3.40 am. almost finish studying for my econs test.
my body is literally shaking. This is my first time feeling this way.
i drank 2 '3 in 1 white coffee', i don't think i had too much coffee. I'm quite used to drinking 2 at a time... since 1 is alway not enough (whether it is the coffee itself or the impact 'KICK /UMPH')
although this is my first time drinking 2 packs of white coffee.
good to know i actually can last this late at night studying. haha... not really. the coffee don't reduce my boredom in revising any ways.

[Thoughts]:
For this past few weeks, there have been many unfortunate events/news in our newspaper. First it was the Hurricane Katrina that whiped out half of New Orleans in the States. Then, there was an airplane crash at a housing area in Medan...
NOW, Middlesbrough won ARSEnal?! (wait, thats not bad news at all)... haha!!!

my apologies

2005-09-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

what do i do when my friends invited me to watch a movie with them?
i ditched them. Yea, my bad.
it was the movie "creep"... can't even go through the toughts of watching that crappy(from reviews) show for 2 hours. So i decided to have abit of a 'me' time since my week wasn't the most cheerful one. instead of watching the movie with them, i went home (air-cond on, with my favourite junk food and better tv shows).. hehe. Before i took a cab back from pyramid..

oh yes!~ I ditch them in the Cinema (Pyramid) after much thinking//- i felt guilty,
but not as guilty as how stupid i would be to watch "creep".

.. before taking the cab back, i had a craving for VIKINGS HOTDOGS. So, went to grab a bite alone then went home.

Today is a special day for me because its my first time worship leading in cell group EvER!
it went alright despite the lack of preparation... got lots of encouragement though :-)

highlights of my day : VIKING CHEESE HOTDOG
:before cell, went Burger King for my dinner. BK *french Chicken* is the
best sandwich i ever tasted in my life. no kiddin.. love it!
:Worship Leading

- I very the sleepy... wants to sleeping very the soon. (preffered english slang nowadays)

back to stage one

2005-09-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

remembering the time when i first entered Sunway College australian matriculation programme.
I know i try really hard making new friends there. However, i kiss little asses to fit in groups and gangs. i was being my sarcastic & funny self right from the beginning on the first day of AusMat.

after bitchin abit how popular people are like in KL, i eventually ended up being accepted and being one of them. Cool huh?..
Though i never liked the idea of gangs like how the popular people in church was always together and even in secondary school.
I wanted to fit in- even when backstabbing often happen or being yourself wasn't the best option. But hey, not that hard anyways. Just have to kiss the right asses to be accepted for someone you are not!~

AusMat was abit different. I could easily fit in. I minimize the act or mask i had to put on if i were to be friends with certain people. I either walk away or do not hang out with them at all so none of my thoughts might cause any problems.

so yea... now i'm back at stage 1. That's what some people have told me this few days at least.
why?~ coz its as if i am tryin to look for the suitable click to hang out with...
I walk alone in college most of the time//
new module - new gang?.. no way!~

thoughts: I have no idea what i just blog. maybe its what i feel at the moment. i still don't have the answers to why i'm back at stage 1.
and.. CraP~! mocks are just 3 weeks away. this sucks.

Pain Killer

2005-09-04T00:35:00.000-07:00

icq nickname: Pain Killer.
yep, thats me!!! one of my earliest nicknames used in ICQ/
Self proclaimed 'Alternative' for pills to kill off pain/problems.

Used to give chics advice on relationship as if i know what guy's intentions are, why they are being jerks, where did the chic's relationship went wrong or just their typical everyday problems.
Good Old Days, actually... i ain't no pro in giving advice rather a really good listener.

2-3 years pass by... still ain't in no relationship, So... still listening to friends bitching on relationship gone wrong. Only difference is that these relationship stuff are much more complicated as I'm listening to college peer's complicated shitz.

My college life~ i actually thought that my strenght were included in people skillz and how i could serve God. When i couldn't find any area i could serve HIM, i actually felt a voice telling me that I'm a good friend... and its a huge contribution to HIS Kingdom.
I took actions, i was an Encourager. Being positive and also standing by a friend when they're feeling down.

i'm feeling useless now coz my good friend is feeling hopeless. What can i do? bible verses won't be much help as my friend is a free thinker. The other problem is i'm kinda emotionally attached to the problem faced. I was too involved in that situation before. Doing something about it will most probably make things worst.. so i feel the pain my friend is experiencing.

pain killer?.. maybe those that'll disolve in water first...
So plz . just drown me!

Life is going well

2005-09-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

Friday (03 September 2005). after hearing so many of my friends having the time of their life on the -Merdeka- holiday while i listen to them remembering myself standing outside the bulcany of my flat whitnessing the fireworks only...
Oh Boi!~ something had to make up for all those missed opportunity of FUN!!
So, plans that were made -> Hang out with friends in pyramid after college. [Y]
->Watch Dark Water - latest horror movie. [Y]
->eat till we drop in Hertz Chicken Buffet [Y]

plans that came all of a sudden -> to go clubbin' with Dave,Nat & Shobz [N]
->Cell members OuTing in 1 Utama. [Y]

*sorry guys* couldn't join the fun clubbin with y'all~ next time kay!

So afternoon [2.30- 6.15] watched Dark Water.
my review= starless. its Flippin' rubbish.
when the show was running over an hour and still without a horror scene, i just thought i that the director might be using "The Exorcist" style... which is showing the great relationship between the mom and her daughter and then scare the viewers to Da Max with all the problems faced by the daughter (often connected to the GHOST). The Build up to the horror scenes of the movie IS THE WHOLE MOVIE. there was not 1 scary/horror scene in this so-called horror film. When the show was over, normally i would be relieve because of a crappy movie has ended~ not this one, i pulled my hair out.. shouted OMG! It was THAT bad..
even worst than Paris Hilton's debut in House Of Wax.
Chicken Buffet was okay. Satisfying!!! chilled with Suet Yi,Heng Seng and eVa.

got a phone call from David Lee (Cell Leader) inviting me to go 1 Utama which i already decided not to go (I was chillin in Pyramid half way)..
however, its not that often i get to walk in 1 U. So what the heck , just go larr. with cell members

watched "Duke Of Hazzards"
review *Its a light and Fun experience*..
despite hearing so many critism and jokes on this movie, i thought that this movie is one good 'RELAXin' show. Its funny, has quite a lot of action, jessica simpson.........
..........
??what was i talking about again?.. was thinking of something else there.. nvm. 1 thumb up!

tired now- will start studying tomorrow.

2005-09-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

Dark water

2005-09-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

Dark water (2005)

Finding Myself and NoOne else

2005-08-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

I planned to chill yesterday as i was prepared to do most of my college work today- on this b.e.a.utiful holiday in celebration of Malaysia's independence.
Didn't do so... because my friends that i called all either had already made plans or they wanted to rest and go out today instead. I can go out on my own. yes.. but not last night. Yesterday I find myself in college alone after every class ended. (alone in empty classes) As if i wasn't studying in AUSMAT.
well, its not like i'm not use to it. But 3 classes in a row with noone around me (that i actually want hanging out) after class. Its like what da hell maN~! Do I even have friends?!

My pick of the time table sucked. I chose cool people to hang out with rather -friends- that like hanging out with me. about 3/5 of my timeslots i dislike.

Oh well, at least after college hours was alright. I played basketball with MJ- waited for his class to end then played together. Though no proper gear (i was wearing baggy jeans and a pink t-shirt) , i had fun and saw myself improve in 3points shots.
there goes my self motivation shitz again. I sucked.. i don't play that often- not my fault. haha!

currently listening to B2K's take it to the floor... Daaammn!~ good shizzle.

Swing Life Away

2005-08-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

currently listening to Rise Against ' Swing Life Away'.
This is a really tight song.

Swing Life Away Lyrics

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world

We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go...

I think I can relate to this part... because i think that i really had a blast with the new friends i made here in this 6 months. I'm greatful for their acceptance of me and whole lot of luv.. haha!

kinda miss my hometown abit. was chatting with a Tawau chic in AUSMAT today. I talked to her once in SMK Kuhara once... apparently she had forgotten it ( sad-case) ..
however, she was super excited that there was another Tawau dude besides herself when i told her in friendster 2 months ago. Yea, we kinda chatted about our hometown abit today in the library.

nothing interesting happened today. Accounting 'company open book test was not too hard.
IS project not going anywhere. haiz~! damn it..

... entertaining blog

2005-08-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

weekend's here. Oh boy, another challenging week to do something productive in my saturday morning.

woke up/walk out from room/realizing mom and dad had already left to the airport.
[Feelings]: I will miss my parents. ALOT
:damn, parents arent here. my friend from China has already gone back.

I went to college to discuss about my IS project around 8.30 am.
[Thoughts/Feelings]: ShiTT!!! again... waste my freakin' time in college only! The project ain't making no progress and i am feeling useless again for doing nothing for my group members.
Information System is starting to get into my nerves and its screwing my stress levels big time!

*after bitching about how we can't do the IS project *... we decided to leave it and ask help from others another day. So i wasted my saturday morning again in a way and went home.
(11.00 am)
[Thoughts]: Fuck IS. I want to eat. haven't eaten my breakfast.

got a heavy brunch, damn satisfying... guess i'm back to my old ways. seeking joy and comfort in food.

just took a look at how i first started blogging. remembered my cousin and brother really enjoyed the lameness and funny stuff going on with my life. realize that those dayz are long gone. In KL, new friends... new lifestyle... i guess being myself was not the best options.
=screw it=.. this is the only place to rant!

today, my brother just came back from a "24 hours 'brain storm to come up with an brilliant idea' for an advertisement competition" yea, saw him lying as if he was dead when i was back for my brunch. He had to wake up from that nap (12pm to 3pm) for worship practice. He left the house around 4 (after telling his church members he'd compromise - by whatever he has got left in him).. hehe. yea, he was pissafied when he couldn't find the car. apparently my dad had park it somewhere else without lettin any of us know where before he went to the airport . So... things was just not going his way...
so his frustration was taken out on me. haha. ' quite funny to see how often i too take out my frustration on innocent people when my day is badly fucked up'.

[other thoughts]: Sean Paul new song "we be burning" is HOT!

in Charge of my life

2005-08-26T16:55:00.000-07:00

dissapointed with my recent evaluation exam results. Yesterday, my ESL lecturer said something that really challenged me to really give my best shot/ put in effort in whatever i do.

Mr Jay: Victor, you did quite badly in your exam. and also in your ESL project.
Me : Oh.... okay~
Mr Jay: Me and Ms Sothi (ESL second lecturer) were discussing about you and we think that
You have brains but never want to think.
Me : Oh... yes ah? I'll think harder.
Mr Jay: Its not that Victor, you are just lazy. Lazy to think and want to get the paper over with
ASAP.

I think that he was pretty right about that. It was the last paper- and maybe i rushed abit and got into the holiday mood that time. Hopefully, those words (very honest and abit painful) will motivate me.

Yesterday (thursday/ 25 August)
a speaker was invited to out Christian Fellowship. He said it is not true when people say that we are future leaders. Instead, we are leaders NOW and our campus need us.
~" TIME TO TAKE CHARGE"~

after CF, celebrated my brother's birthday in T.G.I.F. My first time at FridayS. Food was really expensive, portion is said to be reduced since the last time my father and brother ate there. Good stuff!!!

self

2005-08-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

22nd August - New Module of AUSMAT.

went MPH to select our subjects slot and made sure all our particulars (for TEE) were accurate.
overall of my 'rush' decisions in picking classes of each subjects was not bad. wierd. but not bad.

after that, took my EE results.
Accounts: 56% (not good enough for me. i am dissapointed with myself. )
IS : 49.5 % (failed by 0.5%)

in IS class, my lecturer pass back our database project. My group got 39/50. I was quite happy with that but he asked 5 question (to make sure everyone was involved and 10 marks will be cut for every question answered wrongly).
to make the situation more shitty, 2/4 members was not in class. so the other 2/4 (me and Eva) answer 2 questions wrongly. 3 more question will be answered by my other group members.

[brief thought]: FUCK!
[actual thought] : Fucking piece of shit! Other groups got easier question than mine. bloody hell!

ESL : barely pass.

remembered this line in the movie 'BRUCE ALMIGHTY'.
bruce: I am tired of a mediocere job!
I am tired of this mediocere house!
and I'm tired of this mediocere LIFE!!!

Mediocere life? I'm SO living in it. (in everything i do)

[troubled thoughts]:
RESULTS? especially results.
WALK with JESUS? never giving my all, surrendering my all
FRIENDS? never taking out my mask
Others? i'm pissed because i can no longer be honest in this blog. personal problem will be kept.

semi-deep thoughts

2005-08-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

Its 4.30 am, and i don't think i'm able to get back to bed...Maybe its because it wasn't my day.
sounds like i'm not having fun during my holidays at all, thats not true!
2 days ago, went to Natalie's place to chill.
Watched an "interesting" movie together with Nat and Dave, and had a meal (prepared by Nat) after that. It was definitely one of the better days (something to do, somewhere to go, someone to meet) of this break.

[self] : my blog has became a place for me to tell people the events of day. Its meaningless!

In Batu Pahat, i completed a book recomended by my brother since last year.
title- Wild At Heart.
[self/thoughts] : The book is about the journey one takes to be a MAN// the transition of boy becoming a MAN.
D QUESTION was enfasized many times. D Question was " Do I have what it takes to be a MAN?"
The book continue with how the modernization of Christian churches and other factors has made Christian man weak. The effects and also the solutions through Jesus.

my brother said " This book has changed my life!" ... bah~ Maybe later on in my life lah... hehe!

However, my favourite part of the book is about how Men are often weaken by women.
in our world today, Guys normally look to women as an answer to know whether they are Macho/MAN enough . Thats where they either feel powerful or weak and disgusted by themselves.
Taking Adam as an example, he wasn't deceived by the devil- Eve did. He made the choice to try the apple that Eve gave him. WHY?! He chose Eve over God.

2005-08-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

wild at heart

went missing

2005-08-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

(Sunday,14th August)
I found a taxi driver that was looking for 1 more customer to go Batu Pahat. I got packing straight away after i made the phone call as he was going to take off around 11. Without informing my sis, i took my bags and waited for him in college and off i went.

reached my grandmom's place around 4.15-
my story in my second home for the 3 nights i stayed there was all the same.

my busy schedule :
morning - wake up/ eat
afternoon-eat/ nap
night - eat/ sleep

I was sick most of the time~ stomach ache~ .. every meal that is. It was always more than what my capacity could hold. lol

(Wednesday ,17 August)
woke up bout 4.45. Time to go home. taxi came around 5.20

It was a very boring break. I'm not complaining. I think it was worth it.
spending quality time with my 'Ah Ma' and all.

[thoughts] Today's cab driver was different from the one who sent me there.
(suppose to be the same coz i called that dude to bring me back wan..)
so yea, the guy smoked like a pack of cigarettes during the journey back here. BLOODY IDIOT
*cough cough* i'm sick.

confused.

2005-08-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

woke up. Haze levels has gone down a Lot. the sky was blue and sunny.
My day was flippin' dull until I went to GT young adult service in the evening.
after service, we (SS19A cell) ate in "paris" restaurant. BEST!
normally... i would some up such a day as a " Great Day".

not today. I'm moody. confused about why i am feeling like this.
possible reasons:

1)i cancelled a huge gathering of my EX schoolmates because of the concerns of haze levels
~ weather was excellent today, felt as though i cancelled the gathering for no reasons!

2)I changed my mind about going back Tawau because the concern of a group project for my Information Systems. Non of my group members wanted to discuss it during the break
~ so, i'm not going back to tawau for no bloody reasons!

I think my break has been total bullocks!!! i'm not enjoying this a bit.

[feelings]
i want to play basketball.
i miss you shivy.
i miss tawau's food.
i bought the face mask for 1 freakin day?! oh well, damn!

2005-08-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

clear skies

2005-08-13T00:52:00.000-07:00

new hair cut. abit too short

Satisfaction

2005-08-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

My Break isn't going too well. Yesterday i sprained my ankles, so it wasn't the best start at all.
My plans of playing basketball can be put aside already.

Woke up this morning- with WHOLE LOT OF pain! But i was determined to make the best out of my short AUSMAT break. So i went to ICHIBAN suchi buffet in the noon with some of my friends.

it was in KL city, we got lost a few times during the drive there. Weather wasn't bad at all. The haze was not as bad as PJ.
So yea, we managed to reached in the end. was Soo ready to eat all i can. waHahaha/
cost about 32++ per person. I would say it was pretty worth it. :)
"i can't move". its a sign of a great buffet of any kind. don't you think?!~ hehe

self

2005-08-11T23:20:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day of Evaluation Exam.
Highlight of my day? attended CF's prayer meeting for the first time. The Cf meeting was cut short due to the haze, so locals can go home early and safely.

During CF, there were many new faces. about 10 of them, all from AUSMAT (JPA scholars).
i gave them a pretty good impression of me i guess. I missed a step in LT6 and fell down. Big Impact drop, sprained my right angkle. Oh man, felt as though i was injured from a basketball game. Good times~!

self

2005-08-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

currently listening to an old MP3 Cd burned from Tawau. Brings back loadz of memory of what music i used to hear while studying for my SPM.

there's this one song that never fail to make me feel emotional.
Its Baby Bash's "Sugar Sugar" - It is a sexy song that degrades women just like any hip hop stuff out there...

but i remember watching this video alone back at home 2 years ago ..all emotional..that was after i got the news that my close friend, someone i loved was going to move to West Malaysia.
So yea...everytime i hear that song, I think of her.

Haze here is getting worst... Feels as though I'm in Genting "Flippin smokey" Highlands.
Tomorrow is my last day of Evaluation Exam. All i can think of now is How Much my break won't be any different from college dayz abit.

whats up?

2005-08-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

my alarm clock is set to 8.30 am. Its 4.15, and now i can't sleep back.

can't sleep because of EE?... i think not. Most probably itz because of the plans after EE.

I actually planned to go back Tawau after my EEs... but because my freakin' break which is only 1 week, its abit too short of a time to go home. Instead, i am going to Batu Pahat, Johor to visit my grandmom. I shall go on a monday since getting tickets on the weekend is most unlikely.

preparation~

2005-08-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Tuesday my EE will start.
last night i chilled. decided to online abit.
found out most AusMat students already "ready" for the exams. So many of them online~

Today is very hazy... rhymes with Lazy eh?
thats how my day is going so far. i just studied abit of the accounting teories.

Information System is next on my "Try 2 Do list". hehe

Now?... chillin listenin to some sexy music. R&B stuff/

2005-08-06T21:46:00.001-07:00

Extreme Park under construction. Super Dusty the roads!

2005-08-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

HAZE!!!

2005-08-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

books+ps2 joystick?!

something different

2005-08-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

My Evaluation Exams starts Tuesday. Most of my friends are already feeling Stress-gila! Their bedtime is around 3, 4 some 5. For me, i don't even study at night anymore. The most i could do is focus about 45 mins on one sub or topic. thats it~ So.. ya, i am still chilling at the moment.

today, (8.50 am).. knowing i will waste first half of my saturday, i decided to study in college later. I think my place is such a tough spot to be motivated to study with PS2, astro and dvd player in front of me.. and.. Sacrificing just ain't my thing.

past
i managed to pull up one of my accounts paper marks from 47% to 67%. Does not seem much diffrent in performance wise.. but it contribute a huge diffrence in my average marks.
Praise the Lord.

currently listening to some pretty sentimental stuff.
current favs : Alanis Morissette's My house
Royksopp :Only this moment

thoughts

2005-08-02T04:37:00.000-07:00

2nd day of august. Went down alright.
i got back my accounts result... the marks?... very colorful. could have done alot better!
the results were horrifying. I had 2 paper. I got almost 90 for my first and got Less than 50 for my second paper... I mean... What The Hell man!!! my average went from 90 something to 80 something. now-> 70!

anyways. Me, MJ and EeLing watched a movie today. We couldn't decide whether to watch 'The Island' or 'Stealth'. we couldn't decide on the time either. it was either 3 pm show or 5.45 show. So i changed my accounts class from afternoon to morning just incase any changes are made.

in the end, 3 of us watched 'The Island'. Honestly, i wasn't really excited to watch this movie ever since the trailer came out. The story sounded stupid and everything was just so illogical.

okok... the movie. Shitty Beginning. One of the lamest start to a movie EVErrrR! ( to be detailed- it was freakin draggy)
later on, the movie started to kick some major butts! The action scene was reaAlly.. long.
the movie sure hell spent alot on the action sequences in it. ( alot alot of stuff were destroyed)
besides action, ya lar.. violence and also hot chic. but .. don't know why... not very complete.

ending... F***ed UP. I don't really get it. A bunch of clones...saved by the starrings (not killed for their main purpose of life- replacing organs) all around the empty field. in the background is a really hopeful type of music. As if there is hope for them to start a new life. OMG! WTH! what will happen to the non clones?! again. the movie is super crappy with enough action to satisfy me. hehe

2005-08-02T04:21:00.000-07:00

Scarlette lips are so hot that is only second to Angelina Jolie.

2005-08-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

The Island

self

2005-07-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

weekend rocked.
Friday i spent the whole day making myslef feeling important. yes, i was the top priority on my list on that day.
Had cell harvest later that night.
Saturday came, as usual - afternoon wasted with nothin on my 'to do list' being checked.
Afternoon was Glad Tidingschurch first young adult service.
I must say, settings of the church-> BRILLIANT and FRESH!
pastor talked about "first things first", about how all of us should put God first in everything.

anyways, here comes Sunday.
planned to study econs the whole day. well, cover those part being tested tomorrow at least.
yes...topics all covered. Now, all i have to do is memorize what i've just studied.

I actually feel kinda bad for not hanging out with my friends tonight.
Not the 'battle of the bands', because i know i will feel left out anyway.
but i feel bad because my best friend/ ex-neighbour from Tawau is around Lagoon Perdana hanging out with some of his other friends. I told him i couldn't join him because i had to study. ~Damn, i am such a Liar.~
I don't know why, but i don't like hanging out -feeling guilty for not studyin at the same time. It saves me and the person i'm hanging out alot of time and effort.
I hate faking that i'm having a good time when there are some other things on my mind.
oh well, at least i gave him my house number so that he could visit me before he leaves. hehe

ME TIME

2005-07-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

friday. Finally!
this week has been LONG! ...test,test and more tests.
wanted to release my stress after college yesterday.. but i was in formal wear.
instead i went home... and played basketball with my bro later that night.

half dead-> can't move... really enjoyed the game.

anyways... today i went Pyramid alone to have abit of a "ME TIME". Quality time with who better than myself. Treated myself to a fantastic lunch in Nandos. Watched Fantastic 4 and did abit of shopping on my own.

2005-07-29T15:21:00.001-07:00

new GUnit T.

2005-07-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

New Shoes. my long awaited green kicks

2005-07-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

DC Shoe USA.

2005-07-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

New shirt...A&Fitch

Formal wear

2005-07-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

My 'semi formal" look

Thursday- suppose to be AUSMAT t-shirt day... Not this week!
we decided(well, the ausmat 'shot callers') since EE is around the corner... what better way to release tention than dressing up for college

went to college... found out most of the AUSMAT student weren't sporting. Only a few of us took the effort to look good. hehe.

Pictures? ... i think not. when us-who wore Formal were scattered everywhere.

thoughts

2005-07-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

menezes

27-year-old Jean Charles de Menezes was shot eight times by plainclothes police who chased him into a London Underground station Friday, the day after four attempted bombings on the city's transit system. Menezes was innocent. Full story-> (cnn)

my thoughts? I think the police in London are Flippin' MORONS.
they are bloody copulatin' idiots!... 8 times?! 8 freakin bullets into an innocent dude. hmm..? i wonder why they chased him and the story pretty much ends there...
they chased him , shot him... 8 times. and then... think to themselves ..
" wait a minute, why did we shoot this dude? he looks like a suspect don't he... our bad~ "

other thoughts...
i am going to do better in IS this time (x5)
tomorrow i am going to look good in formal wear (x5)
~ oh yea, some of the AusMat trend setters decide to have 'formal wear' day tomorrow just for this week ~.. [ Time to release the Cam-Whore in ME!]

- nothin better than self-motivational thoughts-

self

2005-07-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

in accounts class...
friends were talking about TEE...
about their EEs...
awards night were even mentioned! about who will be winning best student in whatever subject they are taking...
their goals and self expectation are really high. Nothing that i could imagine myself achieving any time soon.
I didn't take english for a reason. I know it will be tough, so i thought i could score well in ESL.
funny, even ESL i can't score! What about Applics? i aim for a pass... and even that it is a challenge for me. I am hoping to score in accounts,econs and Information System.

i was never an above average student EVER. even studying in AUSMAT... my goal is to achieve a TER that is enough to enter monash... if not..VU.
but Times have changed...
my dad sent me to Sunway college... paid for my education. To think about it (how one of my friends put it)... someone is paying you to study.
We should treat it like a job. Our job is suppose to get promoted to a better University.
the more i hang out with friends who has extremely high goals, the more i feel shitty .
thats some kind of encouragement/ motivation i guess.

self

2005-07-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

Sue Lin: Sexuality or family?! sexuality or family?!
Group: Sexuality!
Sue lin: What topic?!!!
Some dude from group: INCEST!

just a conversation between Sue Lin and her moral group members after we skipped Moral class to discuss about our project.

and so it is... we picked INCEST for our Moral Class presentation.
discussion went on straight away. Pro and Cons!? what pro... ?

so yea... i was told off larr.. : why don't YOU contribute?!
i feel so useless in the group... there was some really good science student there talking about the physical/ bilogical effect of incest and stuff...
Pro and Cons pretty even as the ideas just kept coming in.
for me, i only can answer , its immoral and against my religion.

sometimes i feel those who don't believe in God has an advantage of having a point of view/ opinion on the social issues coz they ARE free thinkers!

accounts class... Ai Yin talked about harry potter latest book AGAIN. i made a silly joke of her having a crush on harry potter.
then she said...
Ai Yin : vic.. for future references, i don't have a crush on anyone.
Vic : oh. ok (paused...) what about you pammy?
Pam: Thats non of your business!!!

kena told off again!!
could have just told me that she didn't want me to know...
could have just said she was uncomfortable answering that question..
didn't have to give me that tone.
my bad... shouldn't be so busy body in the first place. NOW I JUST DON'T WANT TO GIVE A ...

shoot me!

2005-07-26T01:35:00.000-07:00

i am so dead.

today had 2 tests. Thank God IS is postponed till thursday.
So i left accounts on Wednesday and IS on thursday. Then...preparation for Evaluation Exam!!!
came home from college around 6.30 today.
I was super sick the whole day... reached home... took a long nap. from 8- 9.30

now its 1.30am... suppose to have a good night sleep. (raining outside some more)...
too bad, i drank coffee after my nap... dumb ass!

still sick...tears coming down from my eyes, running nose, soar throat and dead tired. I am abit stoned... no emotions/expressions or what so ever at the moment..

guess what i'm craving for?! DMX... funny larr..
can't sleep... but i want to hear gansta rap...
oh yea.. i know why! i screwed up my econs and accounts test.

off to WAR.

2005-07-25T02:20:00.000-07:00

'Shout unto God'- one of my favourite song from the latest hillsong united album ' Look To You'.
the song starts like " the enemy has been defeated..."

as i am revising for my accounts, info systems and econs at the same time (ya lah, last minute study)... i remember my IS lecturer telling my class that Database question will be super hard.
"everyone will face judgment day..Many of you will FAIL!!!" or something like that. At that very moment, i was quite confident... my head was thinking like "BAH!... i'm not afraid, and i'm gonna prove you wrong!"

just like in the song ..."the enemy has been defeated..."
No.. itz not that i am sure i'm gonna do well...// Itz just that... i know HE is with me through facing all this obstacles (tests/assesments and unfun stuff in college... haha!)
especially discouragement from my own lecturer. hehe

hmm... its 2.15 a.m now... not confident in accounts. IS and econs pretty much done already.
i sure hope my confidence in doing well in IS are NOT just loadz of crap!

Passionate Night

2005-07-24T03:42:00.000-07:00

today is one of my most productive Saturday ever... busy-at least.
woke up early... not as early as i wanted though.
yea, went to college to do my IS project with my group.
the Project is moving smoothly. I am happy. hehe.
was in college from 9 till 3p.m. ate Crispy Chicken Rice for my late lunch... Mmm!
Yes... eventhough super busy, i went to the "PASSION" concert in Glad Tidings church later.

the concert was nothing less than AMAZING and AWSOME!... Pastor Jullie was certainly electrified. haha. She talked about what's passion all about. The best part of the concert was of cause the altercall. I went out there.. prayed by Pastor Jullie herself.
Boy... did i feel the heat. I can feel the passion in me, flame for Him was just flowing through me..
really wonderful experience!

i have been doing my revision, listening to hillsongs united, blogging and short naps from 12 a.m till now. 3.40 a.m. Yep.. definitely one of my most productive saturdays ever!

I'm done with IS, econs (1/2) .. accounts(not yet)- me in big trouble.

~end~ i vant to sleep!

Tracting.

2005-07-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

Cell Harvest postponed.
had Tracting (passing the CONCERT flyers) instead.
Sunita called me during my IS class... she told me about the minor change with so much excitement. lol ...
yep.. so we went ASIA CAFE for tracting.
people there are not the friendliest. All give the weird stare at you when you are trying to talk to them.. CHILAKA!!!

FUN though... have to study now.. for real.
going to go college early tomorrow to finish up my IS project.

end~

Vy Like Tat Van~!?!

2005-07-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

nothing seems to be going my way.
first- i am supposed to lead a group for my IS Project. Progressing but not too fruitful.
i went to one of my group member's place to do the work after CF (welcoming week)..
we did the project from 7.30 till 11.30. I went home around 12.15.
Second- suppose to be home to finish my ESL assignment... tomorrow will be due date.
guess what?- my printer Ain't working. yes... i am in deep shit.

Why LIKE THAT ONE!?! - nothing is going my way!!! i got help from a friend to print some stuff for me. Tomorrow i have to take the stuff... quickly bind it and pass it up to my ESL teacher... ALL WHILE Accounts class will be going on. i don't mind spelling the word again. D.e.e.p S.h.i.t!

Have to rush most of my revisions tomorrow afternoon. WE'll be having cell harvest tomorrow night. Praying that it'll be a success. Oh man~ i'm tired./

self

2005-07-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

i wish i could delete my previous post, but THAT WAS how my day went which wasn't really great.
but if i were to sum up my day (20/7/05). It'll be described as one word only. " AWSOME!"

after my long day... i went to church for a 'cell harvest' rehearsal and prayer meeting.
okay, so the 'cell harvest' thing didn't go as plan. All the main people couldn't come.
i was dissapointed and pissed at first... sacrificed my revision time and go church only to be dissapointed with their excuses.

anyhow... when the prayer meeting started- things just changed.
hmm.. for me.. that was one of the most powerful prayers i experienced and heared EVER..
especially when we~young adults prayed for the upcoming 'PASSION CONCERT'.

all the glory to HIM.

need a BREAK!

2005-07-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

cell harvest is just around the corner. yea- 2 more days to be exact.
preparation for it is abit rush. My cell is supposed to do a sketch. at first i thought i was in charge. This was because i was appointed to think up for ideas and meet up whenever they are planning the 'cell harvest'. Anyways, i'm suppose to attend a rehearsal in church later. I am so busy! yesterday, some of my cell members went to dinner and discuss about the sketch... i was too busy and studied at home instead. Now, rehearsal... can't let them down.. have to make this 'cell harvest' a success. However, i agreed to go before they told me the location was in church and we will be joining to prayer meeting too. Nothing wrong with it... just that i won't be able to finish revising most of my college stuff.

Today was a pretty cool day for me... minus some shit i faced later in class.
i was supposed to dress up formally in class for my ESL presentation which is disagree with the topic: same sex marriages should be legalized.

instead of the usual long sleeve and neck tie... i decided to wear my BATIK.
woohoo.. The ATTENTION i got!~ lol. my presentation went well.. but outshoned by a few classmates of mine.

yes.. was abit exhausted when i entered accounts class. We got back our previous test result.
guess what i got? 30%! from 81% down to 30%... this wasn't even the hard part in accounts yet!

nyways.. i rushed back from college because i was uncomfortable with the BATIK. went home, took my bath... and here i am in college again. Just finish discussing my IS project with my group. Feeling helpless because the project is not going anywhere at all. darn~

i'll be going church later.. hope it all goes smoothly.. and i will still be able to read up on some sutff before i go to bed.

2005-07-17T05:28:00.000-07:00

Passion Concert

Back from Back to Basics retreat

2005-07-17T02:09:00.000-07:00

Having a pretty tight schedule for the next few weeks myself.
let me see- ESL presentation will be on Wednesday.
Next week- IS project due date, Accounting test (open/close), Econs assesment.
AusMat- one week dry, one week so damn busy.
However, my work was all put aside as i had myself a retreat this weekend. The B2B (back to basics)retreat held by Glad Tidings church. It was all worth it.
The pictures i took was terrible... most of them turn out pretty bad.
oh well, there is an official website for the B2B retreat pics.
i really think that EVERY one who went was really blessed and touched by the annointing of God.

i am quite surprise that i am feeling well at the moment. The last time i came back from genting was when i had the Sunway CF camp. I remembered having headache 2-3 days straight.

Tomorrow- back to college again. MAN~! looking forward to next week's 'young adult' service.
It will be the launch of Glad Tidings "young adult' service. It will be blast as we are kicking it off with a concert. Its gonna kick major butt! it is called 'Passion' concert.

i think i hit something.

2005-07-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

feeling shitty.
not as this moment. Thats because i had a great time watching movie and hanging out with Dave, Nat and shobz.
but my day sure didn't start well.
Went to college- first class was IS.
expected that the 'surprise' test was today. But teacher told us that the test will be tomorrow.
Finally, NO more SURPRISES!!!
oh yea, passed up my IS assignment 3. Got a new project that i have to pass up in another 2 weeks time. We drawed locks... and i was in one of the best groups in class. 1 chun + hardworking chic, 1 computer expert, and 1 hardworking dude. BUT NOOOoooo, my group had too much smart asses, so what did the lecturer do!~ He traded me to another group that most probably need someone with my caliber. lol.

ok... so here's the problem. In the new group- my members includes a average, hardworkind student. A foreign dude and 1 pretty chun+ not the brightest+ not the most hardworking chic in class. So frustrated- of all people... Lecturer thought that i am good enough to lead this bunch of people. I would preffer the previous group because i won't have to lead the team- i am just a average student compared to them.

after that, i went to ESL class. I handed my esl project draft. Lecturer gave me a D. HAHA. very funny. I am definitely not in grooviest mood in this. That means i have to redo the thing.

Accounts class was next. Test was today . Screwed it AGAIN!!!

guess what do I call these type of situations (when nothing is going right)-
BANG BALLS!!! (my dad use this word whenever a football team hit the post more than twice and loose in the end)

so it is painful... just like like literally banging your balls.

2005-07-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

ausmat hotties - yes! including me!!!

2005-07-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

Pinkies- we look good ;P

2005-07-13T06:34:00.001-07:00

Me and Nat

2005-07-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

Shobz and Dave

2005-07-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

Dave and Nat

self.

2005-07-13T01:20:00.000-07:00

i did pretty well in accounts for my first topical test. which is 75% in the first question and 100% for my second. Though there are people who got 100% for both question, i am quite satisfy with what i so called 'achieved'. My friend said that he regreted taking accounts instead of science subjects... why? because accounts is easy and most people can score in it. So where does this leaves me?

thinking that i might be able to excel in one subject- accounts ... but achieving average results compared to my peers.
Well, this definitely motivates me to work harder~
but still, it won't be easy.

went to Moral class today. the LAN lecturer had an 'interesting' topic to discuss with some of the more -outspoken- smartass in class. It was about *marriages and sex*, about how it is wrong to be married just to have sex and have sex without being married. I find myself speechless...
not because i don't have any knowledge about these 'shitz' going on in our world today~
I am presently doing a research on "same sex marriages" for my esl project.

Its just that i find myself not having my own point of view or even a bloody opinion.
Most people READ and have really creative minds whether it is to express themselves or their views. For me, all i know and all my views are influenced by television. yes... i don't read enough since young. But hey!~, it is good enough to make me some friends. That is just better than great for me- it is GOOD! (stupid joke from 'friends')

I am just thankful that people around me or people i hang out with accepts me for who i am.
The dude~ The wannabe~ the poser~ the not so bright smartass in class (sometimes).

Singing in the Rain

2005-07-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

*my weekend*
Saturday * supposed to be busy* day for me.
have to do research on my ESL and IS assignments.
Have to read up my IS.

so.. yep.. i think i did all of that. (started the assignments, and half way through the IS)

Saturday sucked- and thats how it end.

Sunday
Woke up and realized i overslept (again, suppose to study).
so went to church. Youth Service today was really really awsome.
Prayer and worship- thats all we (youths) need.
Worship team put away their original play list,
pastor put away her sermon and allowed the annointing to flow.

after church- i had to visit 'House of Joy' (some orphanage i guess) for a moral studies project.
Oh man, i feared this project. I am So so bad with kids, never was good with them anyways. I blamed my screwed up childhood for that, but i have already put away that bitterness in me. So it was like a challenge for me. Met with my group members in college about 2.15... but only left around 3 something after waitingour LAN teacher-manatahu she Fong Fei Kei us. haha!!!
and yea... search for that place till 3.45- got problems such as the road we suppose to use on contruction and shits like that.

okok~ we FiNAlly reached our destination... first thing we did was set up the food we prepared earlier (well, i was in church- the rest of them prepared earlier). Yep, i did put in effort to talk to them... it was abit hard for the fellas in my team because in that place- all the kids either speaks mandarin or cantonese only. yea... after our tea party, we talked to them abit more and played games with them. UnO- sue lin's stuff... hope they enjoy themselves.

i was thinking a few days ago- won't the kids in the orphan feel bored with visitors already.
Almost everyday there will be colleges students visiting them for their college projects. And i think that the kids will have lower self-esteem knowing that they need other people to please them ALL the time.

I really asked them about it. I talk to one of the oldest guy in 'house of joy', he was about 15 years old. I asked him whether he was bored with all these visitation... and he replied " depends on their way of visitation" and then " if its more about games, he says it gets bored but if the people come and talk to them.. he preffers it".

actually wanted to play basketball with them wan.. but the rain just started pouring.
so yea.. that was my sunday.

-end-

LIFE check..

2005-07-08T02:45:00.000-07:00

friday morning (2.30 am)
doing some findings on Information Systems terms and how stuff works in ' NERD-LANDia'
such as 'parity checking' and 'Cyclic Redundancy Checking'.

came back from college pretty late today- after CF and having dinner at Medan (i must say... the food there beginning to suck). Reached home...Sat Back and decided watch he news. goodness! LONDON was under terror attacks...
WauLauEE! Just 1 day before, they were the happiest country in the world getting the news that they will be hosting the 2012 Olympics. ~Damn Sad larr...

Okay! ...Life in College has been great. Sure its still stressful...
i have to like pass up an assignment, 1 project draft and also sit for 2 tests next week.
Fine... its very stressful- But i think its still not as bad as first module.
not sure...hm- maybe it was applics. oh well... maybe i was more serious that time?~!..
not with studies... but everything was just so tight.
Nowadays... friends around me are so much FUN to be with!
they are Funny, open minded (too open minded at times)...lol , LOOSE ( don't complicate life) and.. ya!~ its such a joy to be around them.

break time over- time to get back to work
end~

I don't hate mondays

2005-07-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

war of the worlds

This morning- went college felt abit lonely. ~ New account class in the afternoon..
no friends with me in the morning when i was in college.

The college was packed with new A-levels, CIMP, MUFY students... AUSMAT students abit hard to find already.

first class was IS. Mr Lawrence warn us that ' War of the Worlds' is a crap show.
i kinda agree after being stubborn and watching the show anyway.. haha.

had a Very Fun time out... i came out from accounts class early thinking that i will meet Dave and Natalie in cafeteria and rush to Pyramid. Their Bio teacher didn't really allow.. so stress... 4.10 is the show! our usual class only end at 4.30.. haha!

yep. so Shobz can't make it (not sure what reason)... we 3 went there.. got there just in time. Had a really FUN ** dinner at HARTZ chicken Buffet - where we met Ravi and Gideon. THe ice cream made G, Ravi and Dave high~ for real!.. lol

now sitting in front of computer... belly aching... so damn full...
oh well... this so much more fun compared with my weekend. haha!

hotel rwanda

2005-07-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

hotel Rwanda

Saturday- (2nd July)
i think today is going to be an ' i love africa' Day for me.
woke up and felt extremely bored. I knew that i would not go out the whole day because my friends couldn't hang out with me today. So i watched "Hotel Rwanda".

Rating :8/10
By far, one of the most touching and saddest movie i watched this year.
This reminds me about the movie i watched for an ESL assesment - "killing Fields"

there are abit of similarities in their themes such as violence and determination to survive through hard times.

"Hotel Rwanda" is an ethically rich story of a heroic african who responds to deep dimentions of violence in a chaotic world by widening his circle of compassion.

there was this scene where The Western Country tried to help people to escape the violence from Rwanda... but they only took the foreigners (whites) with them and protected them. It is said that the Rwanda people are not worth anything to them.. so no point helping them anyways. I was really sad - abit angry of the discrimination they faced even in hard times such as then.

at the end of the movie - there was a really touching song sang by Wyclef Jean. Awsome song! - it is called ' million voices'

Oh yea- tonight i'll be spending my night watching live 8. A concert to fight poverty in Africa!~

not depress lar

2005-06-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

last day on the month of July.
first class- accounts (fav subject till today)~ teacher came in straight away told me that i couldn't come to the morning class coz its full. I was prepared for this outcome but i was abit pissed to find out all those people who told teacher that they have transportation problem got in the morning class while as me told the truth couldn't.

Was a bit dissapointed coz din get to watch 'war of the worlds' with friends .. they changed their mind and want to watch it on monday. So... i'll join them monday then.

after getting the msg from Nat, i smsed Andrew (Tawau close friend) to watch 'Batman Begins' with me. After all, i had a purpose ... i wanted to release stress.. so what ever movie don't matter/ who ever goes with me don't matter. Got a phone call in the cinema... didn't know who was that - number wasn't save in my phone.

suddenly, all this funny thoughts just poped up... such as ' did i do something wrong? who is finding me? did i offend anyone lately?' ... its as if i do not have any positive thoughts in my head anymore.

to my relieve...it was just a classmate.

Tomorrow, new month// new acc class// new attidude for me i guess ( i need it)!

WALAUWEH!

2005-06-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 29/6
good day-\ wonderful weather in the morning.
went to college with a big smile (after many people say i look dead, moody, tired and blur for the past few days).

oh yea, today was my accounting test. I think i did not bad ... only to get dissapointed with a bad news after it. I was moved to the afternoon accounting class~ Many reasons why i was bummed out by this news...
first--> Friends... will definitely miss the chatting time (mostly before class starts)...Yi Fang, Nat,
Dave... sad lar. Afternoon won't have any cool and fun people to hang around with! All of
them pretty much their own crew and gang.
second--> i like morning class... beats waking up late and go home 4.30~ damn tiring!

oh well... still not comfirm, i tried talking to the teacher.. she'll consider ( the probabilty is very low though).

after that... i took my ESl assesment. A question that we've done before.
more bad news to come...

i failed for my Applics evaluation exam. Wanted to release tension in Pyramid but had to go LAN class from 4.30 to 5.30.
so i killed time by going to extra econs class.. too free i guess. LOL

oh well... tomorrow plannin to watch movie with friends. at lease got something to look forward huh~

Disturbed

2005-06-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

i had a pretty good day today..
having 2 test and the oral presentation behind my back and all..
had dinner at subang 15- some famous curry fish head restaurant.

funny, how one day can turn into a bad one easily~
nothing bad happen to me... its just that i receive a disturbing phone call... -that totally transform my mood into a more- unpleasant- one.

there is this girl, i really likED her// sms her a few times...
her BF actually called me to stop SMSing her... which i did--> (not smsing /disturbing her)
i felt abit confused whether it's the girl who didn't want me to bother her or the BF is over controlling... checking her hp without her knowing...

so i actually ignored her for quite some time...still unsure whether this particular girl didn't want me to be her friend or what not...
so just now i got a 'miss call' from her BF . I picked up the phone but no one responded...
i really hope he made an error phoning me...
If not~ i will ask him to see me personally. He ain't my BF... i respect him and stop bothering her GF... but if he is to ask me or tell me who to be and not to be friends with ...
he is way over the line... so..>> hope i can get over this petty shit over me!

RELIEVED

2005-06-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

~ today was one stressful day.

started with Accounts open book test...
after that, went in to IS class thinking that the lecturer will give us his BS again- postponing the topical test. But i was 'surprised' he actually gave us the test today.
Next, ESL class... i had my oral presentation.

I presented a topic about ' spoiled child in our society today'- It was an oral presentation that require us to talk about what we dislike. So... yea.. i dislike brats that are not discipline at home (unlike me- strict discipline.. look at me today) lol! And also... i envy with how they can get what ever they want. hehe

3 things Done in one day! such a relieve... tomorrow i'll be having me ESL short story test. And the day after tomorrow will be Accounts test (closed book).. still busy..but non-the less~
better than what i've gone through yesterday. which was constant worry about how lazy i am not studying- and not doing anything about it.. hahaha~!

I am quite happy today also... because one of my friends told me that after i left the room for my IS topical test- teacher told them that i had full marks for the hardest question.. hehe!
and also, got good comments from friends with my oral presentation... SO.. KEEP the GOOD comments COMING~! haha

2005-06-25T16:38:00.000-07:00

marvin from 'hitchicker's guide to the galaxy'

load of stuff~

2005-06-24T02:38:00.000-07:00

hm... haven't been blogging // busy with assesments and homework.
to sum up my week...

i passed my first IS topical test.
I presented for my book report in ESL and also an ESL assesment.
Ken (famiy friend/ a neighbour to me my whole life) is visiting, staying in my place.
Ken,my bro and I watched 'hitchickers guide to the galaxy' last night (good stuff if appreciated British Humour) after the farewell in CF.

today wasn't a pleasant day... a friend of mine got a shocking phone call- her friend has passed away because of an accident.
i feel sad for her...

How do you make a person in so much pain feel any better? comforting words and symphaty ain't enough..
i understand how that feels~ i too lost a friend before.

remembering approx 4 years ago, i lost a friend who had cancer ...
after many operations, i honestly thought that he would lived or recover from his sickness but i was wrong- i went to the funeral also.

he wasn't really close to me, knew him maybe less than 2 years... but his best friend is one of the closest person i knew in secondary school... so i know how hard it is to go through with times like this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tomorrow i'm planning to watch Initial D-
but next week a pretty busy week for me.
most probably will have 4 assesment in a row...
frustrated larr...
ai~

Happy Father's Day!

2005-06-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

3 of us miss you dad~

here's a poem we want to share - (not created by us though... hehe)

You give to us everything we need.
You work hard everyday of the week.

You forgive us when we have done wrong.
You always remain courageous and strong.

You provide love and ask little in return.
we know from you, we can always learn.

we know often times we fall so short.
On this, you could write a long reports.

On Father’s Day we’d like to bless you.
we want you to know the honest truth.

we love you dearly, with all of our heart,
Even if we don’t show it to start.

I know we are not the perfect little angel.
But God has a reason, if you just look at the right angle.

You are our father and a great on at that.
we know you love us, even after a spat.

we hope you have a wonderful day.
we love you in the biggest way.

dad- happy father's day!

all down the drain

2005-06-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

ever strive for something? ever try doing your best in achieving something? ever putting all your effort , strenght into something only to see it go down the drain/ screw up/ F*** up( u know what i mean)...

i have~

(morning- 7 a.m)
woke up- feeling confident as i was going to have my Applics evaluation exam at 9 a.m!
(afternoon 4 p.m)
came home from Sunway Pyramid - FEELING LIKE CRAP~ pissed, frustrated and sad in a way.

hm... something definitely happened in between 7 a.m till now huh~

no! Not because of the exam i am feeling shitTY- i didn't put THAT much effort into it.
i've been slacking lately.

everyone has their own favourite part of their own body. I too have that.
Mine has been the sideburn (hair).

my hair always been crew cut since form 2 (school rules), its only on holiday i get to style it up abit.
college-my effort paid off / my hair looks just right (after many times going to the saloon and modifying it - started from crew cut-)

today, after my stressful applics exam.... hang in pyramid . Cut my hair> spend RM35
suppose to be by a professional - pro my ass!!! he cut my freakin sideburn ! not only that, it is so bloody short!
damn pissed right now- coz I look like shit~

minor accident

2005-06-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

if i said today was like any other day in college... i would be lying.
no doubt the morning was boring and i was feeling moddy as usual.

something happened to me in MORAL studies class (the last class)..
well, it was at Audi7... big lecture hall..
hm... i walked up// found me a good seat... and then my friend called me..
so i responded by goin up to her...
while walking, i fell.
NO... i didn't fall down while walking.... the floor or pavement just split open..
how to say, i din fell down... it was like half half> my leg couldn't feel anything, but my body still above the split open floor~

i was pretty calmed that time, - maybe abit embarrased ... thinking that i too heavy and made the floor crack!~ ...
i pulled myself up... looking at the hole i just created...
my gosh, i could have fell like 1-2 stories down!~ ... ( one of the highest seats in Audi 7)
i could have died!~ no lar... break a few bones here and there only..

lucky me... only then i realize i was that close of hurting myself...
friends around me was concerned and worried.. (don't know pretend or not)
and some also comforted me...
~ i don't care... i appreciate all of them anyways~ thx u guys (u know who u are)

yea... should buy a 4D or something... hiew!~

UPs And DOWN

2005-06-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

sunday (june 12)

morning, Youth Service at Glad Tidings.
awsome worship,powerful message about claiming back birth rights.

after church , i was supposed to meet 2 old friends of mine- back from tawau//
well, 1 of them showed up..
the other one dissapoint me again... took me all the trouble just to got a conversation with her on the phone to set a date for this "meet up"...

memang dah biasa~ but.. ish! i was hopping i could see her, i really miss her... !

anyways... the 2 of us went to watch mr and mrs smith.
not a bad show.. such a kick ass show.. could have talked about the show for hours...
but after the show.. we ended up sharin our problems to each other.. haha

the short review is on my second blog.

tryin to revise for applics now..as my exam will be next week..~
end for now~

why ?

2005-06-07T22:27:00.000-07:00

ESL class- a month back i think...
we discussed about religion,belief, God...
well...the respond from the class was pretty shocking for me... there was a number of free thinkers and those who does not believe there is a GOD that exist.

i remembered Mr Jay asking one of the student " why do you not believe there is a GOD? wouldn't it be better if you had something to believe, somewhere to go to if you have problems, or guide to live a more meaningful life?"

he answered: "well, if i have many problems and believed there was a GOD- WILL GOD COME DOWN TO EARTH and solve all my problems when i call HIM?...NO right?!!"... so i don't believe there is" ...

~ i was speechless... how do i answer this dude~ God don't work that way!

God is not SANTA!~... you have to serve him in order to be served.
and to believe there is a God, we need to know 1 thing..
we are all sinners- there is no turning back, what done is done. The only way to get back to the right track -Jesus (the choice that God have given us by sending his only son-Jesus down to earthand dying for our sins).

and today in Moral Class, we learned about religions - (how they are connected)

found out there are MORE who don't believe that there is a GOD..
i feel helpless in the class - as i kept thinkin of ways to answer them > why do I believe there is a GOD?< well, i feel his presence... he helps me in everyway (i surrender all to him)...

i was confused (not doubt), just how to answer these hard questions..
ask my dad... he said... there is 4 things to prove there is GOD...
1)creations
2)mirracle.. and the other 2 he forgotten... funny~
thats not the point...
i'm tired... end~ *for now

Sh.....F...DAm.... DIa....hai~

2005-06-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

i decided to stop swearing- for real

cell leader -David manage to do it. why can't I?
good friend- Ee Ling claims she never sweared before... what's so hard then?

okey... you people can laugh all you want... i'm serius//
yes.... friends know its an impossible task for B.i.g to da v.i.c~ i will try my best.

yea--- today i got back my LAST applics test result...

before i got back the result..saw a few people crying because of their result...
i was there- thinking of everyway to cheer them up ( worrying whether they will take comfort from someone who didn't do as bas as them)...

oh boy~ was i PERASAN!?
i did worst than most of them- the whole class in fact...
thats how bad my result was...

i am such an idiot- ... now want to release stress...
but no swearing?!... how the Fff....(nvm)..
what other alternative do i have?!! ... evaluation exam is another 2 weeks...
need to be more hardworking...

-end-

being alone

2005-06-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

mom and dad are not here now.
they went to Johor... Melaka i think- for their form 6 reunion.
pretty impressive for all of them to still keep contact after almost 30 years.

my brother followed.

my sis is celebrating her birthday with some friends... so...yea, i'm alone.

when i am alone... and not doing homework... (i did abit of assignment// thats it for me today)
i think... ALOT...
fantasize, day dream, remenise... and just simply Think.

well... everytime i think> there's surely someone will not be excluded from it.
and when this happen, i feel down. i feel so lonely (all of a sudden, because i am used to my own company)...

in Sunway, i have made plenty of good good friends.
some quite inspirational, some quite cool, some funny, some are really smart...
but i haven't met THE SPECIAL SOMEONE!
its hard~ havin to let go the -pass- special person...
not giving other people the chance...

don't know what the hell i'm crappin about now~ special someone!?~~
its not vice versa... i am noone's special someone.. sad huh~

pieces of me are still in her... "she completes me"... lol... (like i said- impossible if i'm noone's special somebody.. )

GOD YOU ARE FAR AWAY!~ WHERE ARE YOU?! bring me back... I NEED YOU ~
this is my cry

---end----

birthday and too much relaxing

2005-06-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

my sis' birthday is today. (4th of june)

but we celebrated it last night.
in a japanese restaurant called ZEN..
hmmph... high class, good service, nice food, price not so nice...
but... i really enjoyed ' the experience' of eating raw fish with wasabi~
ITS WASABI~ i don't eat hot stuff like that!!!

thats the difference when mom and dad are around...
i don't even eat fish here... so bloody expensive..~
and pretty sick of eating it lar... i'm from tawau (cheapest sea food ever)

my sis ordered a 'chocolate banana' cake from secret recipe.
Mmmm.... ~ yummy!

this week has been great!~ though i still have assignments, test.. exam another 2 weeks from now.. haha~

yea... i watched madagascar- review (not really, just how i spent my day in pyramid before my sis birthday celebration )

bah~ tired with a capital T

2005-06-03T01:02:00.000-07:00

i've been pretty busy or tensed up because of the assignments and test that won't stop coming.
well, yesterday (2nd june tues)... was one of the most busy day i ever faced.
wake up early- go school so i can prepare for my IS test on 10.30
studied in library for applics test on 4.30 (that didn't went well at all)
5-7 had sunway uni Christian Fellowship (today was about temptation)

got a call from friend to watch movie at 8.
i went (to release stress)....
movie picked~ HOUSE OF WAX
(ratings will be next)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
now pretty burned out...
i have accounts homework...
not planning to do it. i am pretty pissed because 2 days ago i had to go to college just to borrow accounts text book to finish the accounts homework... went to class the next morning..
many students who didn't finish or even start the homework... and the excuse they gave are just so stupid.

frustrated~... i won't be bothered to finish it now!

house of wax review

2005-06-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

i give it a 1/10

worst movie of 2005...

links - full review (well, just how i like to slam it)

wrong timing.

2005-06-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

i haven't been blogging for dayz...
thats because i've been busy with work ..
tomorrow is my applics test and information system test, so now it's not the perfect time to blog..
but i had a long - 1/2 week..

just that day, i walked pass the girl-(whom her bf warned me not to sms her EVER again)..
i tried my best to avoid her eversince, not knowing whether she was the one who didn't want me to disturb her or her bf was just over pocessive / too controlling.

so anyways, i walked pass by her... she saw me and reacted by not wanting to look at me.
this was the first time i saw her avoiding me instead of the other way round.

hmm... something is goin on here...
i am thinking... is she feeling guilty because she did this to me~
or she is embarassed because her bf did something like that...
so confused now...
but this don't really matter now... i am busy till the point where this petty things can't bother me
... anyhow>> college life (in module B) has been better than i expected...
well...its going pretty smooth to say the least.

my mom and dad is here to spend the holidays with us...
gained weight because of the superior treatment gave by my parents... lol
my dad just bought a car for my bro...yea... so good news!

useless

2005-05-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

weekend is here.
have alot of things to do. like mentioned earlier, i just got 2 assignments... 2 test on this coming thursday//and exam after that. so... time to get work done!!!

well...dissapointing day for me.
didn't go like i wanted it to...

woke up... do my saturday ruitine (watch tv till noon)... never fail to waste away my weekend.

so feeling like crap for not getting any work done (especially applics assignment)...
and it becomes a cycle... i feel like crap because i can't do my work. And when i do my work, i can't do it at all..and i feel like crap again.

the worst part is this... i am here complaining about how unproductive my day was... and here i am online and blogging about it and not doing anything about it.

tired

2005-05-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

i am tired because of the liverpool vs ac milan match.

i have no idea why did i even watch that match... i was hopping liverpool will win...
and expected ac to whoop their butts...

yea... so i watched till 5.30 am

when the penalty shoot out ended... i was too tired to react.
just happy to know who won ... and slept

the effects is still not gone yet... i do not have enough sleep~

so abit moody this few days... but not moody enough to show anger or those sort...
maybe to tired to use so much strenght on petty stuff like i used to.

alright ... something hi me hard yesterday
i went to Christian Fellowship yesterday... ( luckily i didn't oversleep at the library before CF started)... oh my Goodness...when i woke up in the library... had problems lifting my arms and standing up..- the whole body *kejang*

in our KG (group)... we talked about ~Encouragement~

yes... i think i'm not bad at that...
somehow i got the ability to make other feel better than they think
~ maybe its because i ask them to compare themselves with ME... hehe...sad but true.

on the other hand... i have been more discouraging rather than encouraging..
during reflection time... i remembered how i've pissed or hurted everyone around me...
reason: fuck... i don't know... i am a jerk?

here's the main point... how to be a good encouragement to others?
first of all.... to encourage others/// people have to trust you.
and how to have people trusting us... by being smarter with words. (any where and any time)
who wants to ask encouragement from someone who have put down almost everyone in the past?!~

this really opened up my eyes... never thought of it that way/.

oh man... shouldn't be cocky~

2005-05-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

25/5/2005 ( wednesday)

long long day...
day started really well...
learnt new stuff from acc class... well.. not really... form4-5 learnt already
its just that i am happy because the class is moving..

IS class was okey. the teacher smiled/ thats a great news ... eversince he got the complaint and all...

ESL was fun... talked about short stories.

after that> i took my assignment test 4 Result.
fuck~ i thought the questions was easy.... and my result proved me wrong.
shouldn't be so cocky yesterday. I got 18.5/37 which is pass already. but damn...
i just read about Excellence in my devotion last night.... hmm... not happy!~
i am not aiming for mediocrity here!

what the hell...
now watching american idol to release stress.

self

2005-05-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

last weekend (20-23 may)was a blast for me.
mom came all the way from Tawau.
she cleaned up the house, gave me extra cash and brought us out for awsome dinnerS.
... she left this morning... gonna miss her.. haha

yea... sunday i watched star wars 3- revenge of the sith.
adorable robots, wierd looking hero's sidekick, pretty actors... beautiful visual effects, amazing sound effects... corny lines ..and the best of all... it was DARK just like Lucas promised!

i watched it with my bro... after i celebrated my cousin's birthday in Sunway Pyramid.

Anyways...today (24 may!!!) was my assignment test 4.
wasn't really prepared for it... i wasted my weekend and wesak- break doing unproductive shi../ stuff. But it turned up okey. wasn't the hardest paper i've sat...

i am very worried about tomorrow... its gonna be a long day.
i have LAN class... have to collect my applics assignmnet 5, take my IS assignmnet 2.
darn~

i am listening to jack johnson-on and on (album)... just to calm myself...
end~

Mixed Feelings on a normal weekend

2005-05-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

was alone the whole day...
SATURDAY!!!~ well, i didn't do much... stayed at home the whole time.
afternoon: remembered Last week in Mr J’s ESL class, we talked about social issue.
Well, I presented the topic about racism in our country. I was the only one who picked this topic… maybe too sensitive.//i don’t think so~

The most popular topic chosen by my classmates is the issue of abortion.
Well, nothing they presented touched me or open my eyes. (shaking my head with sarcasm)
I am still as insensitive about this issue.

This happens to change my mind when I heard a song by Nick Cannon.
Yes… nickelodeon’s Nick Cannon.
The song title is ‘can I live’ … its about women’s sacrifice to decide NOT to abort their baby..
“can I live” is like as if the baby in the mother begging her to give them a chance live..
So… yea… I felt a bit moved…

Thinking about how my mom went trough all the suffering just the let me live in this world…you know~

In other news- Limp Bizkit just came out with a new album. Their first single is the truth.
Felt sad for them because their music video was the cheapest thing I’ve ever seen . One funny thing, channel v didn’t censor a single foul language. There were fuck and bitches in the song… COOL!

night: FA CUP final.
had fun chatting with my best friend- kabir back in Tawau when the game was going on the whole time. Both also pretty pissed of the fact that Arsenal beat Man Utd.
Life is UNFAIR!!!!
to arsenal fans... " Up Your ARSSSenal"... lol!

Don't Need Shit to Happen to Feel Like ONE.

2005-05-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

i am feeling like shit right now.
Its just one of those days...
nothing wrong happened,
nobody offended or pissed me off,
noone broke my fragile heart.
Don't know why, but i had a very emotional day..

it all started from last night.
I was listening to the radio... it was about love.
something like : Often, we will not be together with the person we love...and often we as human have such difficult time letting go what has passed.
the first thing that reminded me when i first heard this was a blog i just read the morning before.. it was about ' Letting Go' . The problem i have to deal now is ' Losing' someone i really love... i never had a chance to "officially" date her or have her approval for me to be her boy friend.

Went to college, nothing much happen... as usual...
Didn't feel like coming home, so went Pyramid alone.

I thought that would be my medicine, ~so often i would spend quaility time with myself and really enjoying every moment of it. (In Tawau, i normally just sit outside my house, or the park near by just to think about stuff... well, in KL- Pyramid...lol)

But today... it didn't go that way. I went to find a good movie to watch but had limited choice~
so i chose to watch 'Guess Who?' by myself.
Funny!~ yes, ofcoz ... here's what i didn't enjoy
its about 2-3 weeks since it came out...why the hell is there still so many people watching it?!
damn! can't even watch it in peace

came out from the Cinema feeling like CRAP...
its a mixture of feelings including loneliness , pethaticness, basically a huge L in the middle of my forehead.

(approx 7.00) reached home... ~home sweet home~
boy-- my day just got even worst... my brother's friend came to our place to shoot a short film.
My bro asked me about it last night, i wasn't comfortable with that idea but couldn't give him a good reason to "not let" let them come... but my brother didn't ask my parents permission either. So ...came home saw a few unknown people... didn't bother to smile or look at them...
stormed into my room... and took my nap (killing time so they would dissapear after i wake up)

i miss home~